Decisions and Directions

Yesterday I went again to the excellent XSC after a lovely guest had left us on the weekend. He was kind enough to introduce me to a kindred spirit at dinner on Saturday, and all credit to my genius son who was on his best polite, charming and impressive behaviour, discussing the Villa de Signoria in Florence that was featured on the wall with great knowledge. I'd love to claim we've taken our ten year old on the grand tour but the truth is he plays Assassin's creed on PS3, naughty working class parent thing rather than nurturing middle class thing, and the certificate is too old for him. Actually he is clever enough to remind me it is just pixels killing pixels so I'm not too worried I've warped him and he has learnt Italian and lots of Art History. In think we would all get great joy from a trip to Italy though so it is in my plan to wangle that somehow, although I suspect stopping him climbing the buildings may still be an issue. 

Its great to be busy and this week I am. Today its a social trip for lunch with a stop off at the library first, tomorrow and friday voluntary work with lovely people and weds and thurs an interesting placement with my agency. 

Talking of which left the last placement on Friday and the rain soaked cold wait at the bus stop on my home journey did make me feel happy to see the back of it. I had taken time to settle in to the group their, although I'm fairly sure I hid that well, by the end I had a few really genuine laughs, none I can tell you about, aside from my reaction was "that shouldn't be funny but it is" and had my giggling internally for many hours. Good times. They gave me a good luck card and I need luck, plus this comment; "You are a really hard worker and I wish you good luck in your search for a position in arts admin." with the boss' thanks.

Talking to people in the industry, which as you might imagine, means I've heard a lot of opinions, and taking time to reflect is helping me reach some decisions. I've said that friends get fustrated that I'm being used and not being paid and I say well I'm getting valuable experience. This is true but it seems that there is a culture of artists and others in the industry doing a lot of admin and "dirty work" like marketing themselves that they have no desire to do. I imagine in times of success they pay people to do this but in lean times anyone able and willing does it and for no pay, the longer it goes on the more bad feeling it creates. So the long term may be continue to volunteer until everyone else drops out, or I could just be carving a niche as that helpful girl we don't need to pay, and then people expect it of me. So I need to trim my volunteer work. Keep active and have a profile but not prioritise it as I have been doing. 

Also I need to get more paid work. At the present just take more agency work and far more fundementally look at how I am presenting myself. 

I've tried to do this wisely but now I look back and see the error of my ways. My last feedback felt harsh but what I realise is everyone else worded it kindly, which meant really no lessons learned. 

I need to circumvent prejudices about large organisations, the civil service and talk more about my real day to day experience, I need to talk about my volunteer experience and passion and make all of this businesslike. My marketing has got me volunteer positions and thats what it has suited. When I graduated in 1996 it took me nearly a year to get a volunteer position so I must see this as a success. Although the world may just have changed but I've decided to take the credit.

So I am going to write for my kindred's spirits website. I am going to start the art club like a book club. I'll flesh that out when I have that defined precisely, and I'm going to pursue work that does not detract too much from what I want to do. It may be that that will be it and I won't do much more than what I have started and I'll be using my spare time or more accurately using up all my waking hours, but that should weather the storm of this economic situation and make me able to apply for the jobs when they reappear, or I'll just be happy with that. 

That's the new plan of attack.

Jen