So on 28 August I took a job at the Local Arts School. I knew that the job itself was not that fascinating and the pay was not that good, its around thirty hours a week and means I've been keeping up a little with the arts festival on Wednesdays. Also its maternity cover so its not really my job but in another way 10 months at that pay is about all my reserves can stand and gives me a kick to do something else next and its more mine than a temp job.
I have found everyone there to be good at and interested in the job they do. This is lovely.
I've enjoyed the financial bits more than I thought I would and I love that I get to play post offices. Its great that most places I've worked are really e led but using a cdunk dunk stamper each day is really satisfying. Then there is a blue COPY stamp I'm seriously in love with.
Every procedure is logical and ordered which is lovely as time goes on its a challenge to remember all the details of all the procedures and I keep learning more tasks like Banking and I'm not hating it.
I don't get out of my little office that much which is a bit of a shame because every time I do I see amazing and exciting things:
Posters about different typefaces written by Graphics students
The Masters Ceramics show -some pieces were actually taller and wider than some domestic spaces
The Foundation show from around Wales
The book Art display in the foyer
A piano and three pushbikes in an office the piano is for when a subject leader gets stressed
the interior architecture room with a very high shelf full of scale models
huge spaces with windows for workshops
the ceramics room with objects of intrigue at every turn
the art library where I read the RIBA periodical
the view of howard gardens with its bowling green and palm trees
All the staff are friendly and lovely and I've had 6 free walk to work breakfasts, a discounted bus pass, training on software systems and the usual corporate stuff as well as mental health first aid training coming up.
I love it, all that's bothering me is my rookie mistakes and some days having to leave things for the next day.
So I think an excellent opportunity to point me in the next direction I just need to not let the fear of poverty scare me from daring to dream of not waking up.
Jen xxx
Friday 5 October 2012
Saturday 11 August 2012
A Port in a Storm
Well,
Almost there.
In the last few week's my bridesmaid status in two roles has led to me becoming the bride.
Even though I doubted I was anyones second choice, turns out I was wrong.
So I am currently working part time as a temp and doing 7 hours a week paid work for the arts festival. This is very enjoyable and will only last until November but finally I was getting paid to work in the arts. The difference between paid or not, I suppose its pride mainly. Partly its also a bit of relief of more money but mainly its the feeling I'm not kidding myself and being able to say that to people.
Maybe on the back of that, maybe not, I hear a position I had gone for that had been filled by the incumbent temp was now free for ten months for maternity leave. God bless fertility.
I filled in the annoying form, it was one of the most frustrating in terms of formatting and then went for the test and interview. I was somehow less nervous than last time but still managed to get really tight chested so my voice went croaky. I was rambling but obviously got enough information out.
Interesting that they were concerned I would't be satisfied with a non-management position. Definately some truth in the over qualified or over experienced being looked over. And yet the market is full of demanding roles that pay very little.
In fact it pays relatively little but I have been frugal with my redundancy so will survive the next 10 months even if I give up frugality.
I feel a lot of relief, some joy, more when I have tidied up leaving my current part time role as neatly as I can. I don't exactly feel guilty about it, I'm too stealy these days for that, but its a shame its not easy to handover or learn quickly as its a busy demanding needed job.
Also and this must be said, I work with nice people there, two of which are the most amusing colleagues I've ever had the pleasure to work with, so I shall recall them fondly and the job for all its in at the deep end challenge.
I know that all the incidental information I shall learn at CSAD will fascinate me and I'll work with people who share lots of my interests. It will be a relief from change and looking for work for a bit and I hope a step into the knew paid artworld career. And if not at least I can always say "I used to work at the art school" in the same way as I chose Paris as a honeymoon destination partly so I could say "we honeymooned in Paris" and actually we loved the place anyway.
So I'm happy
Actually
Jen
Almost there.
In the last few week's my bridesmaid status in two roles has led to me becoming the bride.
Even though I doubted I was anyones second choice, turns out I was wrong.
So I am currently working part time as a temp and doing 7 hours a week paid work for the arts festival. This is very enjoyable and will only last until November but finally I was getting paid to work in the arts. The difference between paid or not, I suppose its pride mainly. Partly its also a bit of relief of more money but mainly its the feeling I'm not kidding myself and being able to say that to people.
Maybe on the back of that, maybe not, I hear a position I had gone for that had been filled by the incumbent temp was now free for ten months for maternity leave. God bless fertility.
I filled in the annoying form, it was one of the most frustrating in terms of formatting and then went for the test and interview. I was somehow less nervous than last time but still managed to get really tight chested so my voice went croaky. I was rambling but obviously got enough information out.
Interesting that they were concerned I would't be satisfied with a non-management position. Definately some truth in the over qualified or over experienced being looked over. And yet the market is full of demanding roles that pay very little.
In fact it pays relatively little but I have been frugal with my redundancy so will survive the next 10 months even if I give up frugality.
I feel a lot of relief, some joy, more when I have tidied up leaving my current part time role as neatly as I can. I don't exactly feel guilty about it, I'm too stealy these days for that, but its a shame its not easy to handover or learn quickly as its a busy demanding needed job.
Also and this must be said, I work with nice people there, two of which are the most amusing colleagues I've ever had the pleasure to work with, so I shall recall them fondly and the job for all its in at the deep end challenge.
I know that all the incidental information I shall learn at CSAD will fascinate me and I'll work with people who share lots of my interests. It will be a relief from change and looking for work for a bit and I hope a step into the knew paid artworld career. And if not at least I can always say "I used to work at the art school" in the same way as I chose Paris as a honeymoon destination partly so I could say "we honeymooned in Paris" and actually we loved the place anyway.
So I'm happy
Actually
Jen
Sunday 29 July 2012
One Year On
Well it's nearly one year on from my voluntary redundancy date, I know because the massive bank balance linked with the possibility of no future income co-incided with my brother's birthday. I had to resist buying him an extravagant present.
Good time to review the situation. Well its been emotional, maybe I'm a functioning emotional like others are functioning alcoholics. Certainly not being in a prescribed parameter set busy workplace with a team of people to worry about makes you have more mental space to notice yourself and how you are feeling.
Things have been very trying too. Of course its my own private hell, you learn more about what pushes your buttons and your own neurosis. I always knew I hated working from home and I knew I could often feel really embarrassed when I made a mistake and it stayed with me. I knew I didn't really tolerate being disliked even by people I didn't respect whilst intellectually knowing that its not possible to be liked by everyone. I knew I got lots of energy from working with others and when doing certain tasks craved to be alone. I knew that I grasped concepts and picked up on people's ethos quickly. I knew I was bad at memorising names and dates and numbers without a context and that I had a photographic memory for images and could see styles developing in people's work and could recognise the work of the same artist designer or store with ease. I knew I had good colour memory and the good professional habits of always treating people as human beings first, being helpful and contentious and on the flip side being really sad when I let someone down or upset them.
I am more motivated when learning new skills or information and when other people notice I'm contributing. Actually either of these at once is ok.
I was surprised to learn that the mix of what I loved and hated about my old job was quite so universal. Along with milk and parking being swearwords the gap between what the leaders seem to want from an organisation and what the footsoldiers care about and are attempting is too far and that very little explaining too each other happens at all. As someone who has worked from footsoldier to middle manager I know that what seems important can be not profitable or efficient, but often it feels that you are not appreciated, no matter how hard you try. This really needs to change.
Also I've learned most places that use volunteers just want them to do it and will always go to those who are not just reliable but do not need to be managed or encouraged. Often any encouragement is gratitude but not feedback that skills and endeavours made an effect. I think most people want to feel like their being there mattered.
I also spent some horrid months in the wilderness feeling like all my work in studying my subject, learning about organisations, making contacts and sharing my knowledge was only helping others and making me look like an overexcited schmuck. This culminated in being told to not be myself at interview.
I can be really excitable, I can seem really in your face and confident, but the truth is, I'm self aware I know what I'm competent at but I have no confidence knew people are going to like me or respect me. They will, I'm sure feel I am polite and able to talk to people.
In a large organisation I have found people see the enthusiasm and hard work and harness that and love it, a very small few are threatened by my apparant huge ego or overbearing personality. It never lasts long, the happier I am the quieter I am.
To do that I need to be in a state where I don't feel like I have to prove myself. This is rare for me. With a team I found I never let of trying to prove myself. In a small group or working solo and having had feedback the other's or my line manager trusts me and also knowing I'm doing a good job I'm in the flow and I'm happy. I need very little direction. I will have learnt what everyone else needs and what I need to know and I will crack on. You can be subtle and I will follow, I am tuned in.
My one weakness is expecting everyone else to be attuned and sometimes being too subtle. That's something I need to work on, how to get through to these people?
Anyway I am in a largely positive place. I have 2 part time jobs, one in a Uni which is a temp job - too responsible to be relaxed about but with a very entertaining bunch of people who are clever or witty or both. The other is following on from my volunteering, the pay is helpful and I understand the job and lo and behold all that effort in learning and networking is paying off.
I know my ideal is still a salaried job as looking for work is exhausting and a year of it has well, I've nearly reached my limit!
I am also writing articles and have learned I enjoy writing in an accessible magazine style and not trying to be all academic. So I hope to keep that up.
Also I love invigilating exhibitions which I do making no large future commitments.
Art Club is working as I want it and it is feeding something positive in me, I think I've designed a club that I want to be a member of! I think it could grow and it feels organic and natural to me, so a good thing to keep up.
I've made some lovely friends. Really I have. I've spent more time with my lovely family and I've been to NYC. Overall I should be happy.
And I nearly am.
Jen xxx
Thursday 7 June 2012
Feeling myself again
Maybe its the rain, I am Welsh after all.
I've been annoyingly introspective and yet I've known I needed to understand myself to move on. Feel like I've been walking the line between sadness and hope, sanity and despair. Logically all along saying so many other people go through worse and so forth so trying not to feel sorry for myself. As Mr Stephen of Fry says it may be just to feel sorry for yourself but it serves no purpose at all.
So here are the possibly contrary conclusions I have come to. I do wish they weren't so tied up in my personal experience of the situation as felt by my personality, I wish they were universal and gave you all some tips or hope or insight. Maybe for one of you they will.
I was losing my role, my status, my place, my ability to be competent in a job I had worked hard to be competent at because expectations changed and were not delivered. I have always learnt and adapted but a part of the organisation was seen as not to fit and rather than ask it to change again it was lopped of. So I left that role feeling that all the effort to glean what was needed and try to achieve it was futile and yet for the years I did it I tried as hard and as creatively as possible. It was like losing a lover and realising you had been holding up the relationship all along.
I try less hard now. Sometimes I'm trying and trying and being determined and then I think, pfff what's the point and the desire seems futile.
I used to dream and hope and strive and that elusive future that I could work for, be lucky to get, knowing I would keep trying in different ways, seeking opportunities, not pissing anyone off, being polite and helpful and honest and hardworking and reliable. I discover that wasn't as easy for me as I thought. I'm worn in places, my ability to build bubbles of hope has mostly gone.
I also motivate by guilt and duty. I feel grateful even in situations where I was giving. is it fair, is it balanced is it enough? I know now only fixing on what you should do is a route to resentment and feeling that things are a drudge. Learning is so much fun when you can go at your on pace but cramming for job applications or writing starts as a lovely challenge and ends as homework on a sunny day, and these days a sunny day I should be doing other things.
When I had my responsible job I was in a tunnel of work and no play. Family time and I went to all the events I should have, little money and little time for going to the cinema, seeing exhibitions, hardly any holidays, not asking people to babysit because I needed them to do so when I needed to work. I put the job first and it put me last, what a selfish relationship that was.
So I know I feel embarassed that I have nothing to show for all my efforts, well yes some things, but no ability to announce oh I do this now. EGO. I should get over it, I think I almost have.
I asked for advice recently as I took seriously an application for a job that woudl fascinate and challenge me and which I genuinely think I can do well. It's part time, pays badly and is a short contract, it's loads of responsibility for the money and when it ends it will look great on the cv, may one day score me a small point to a bigger job but the theme I'm getting is that I can get small experience to aid my career and at the current rate it will take 10 years to get a foot in the door. Maybe I'd enjoy it along the way? Maybe but how we are to live in that time I do not know.
It's also clear that I'm not fully formed for any role I want. I feel part in and part out.
Everyone in seems to have an idea of what I want, but they don't know. So it seems I am not making my desires understood.
I can do serious and responsible things, I can be diplomatic, empathetic, read people and know what is best to say and nudge people to think so that they come to form ideas and solutions I can see are there. But I'm read as a gallumphing childlike playful person and frustratingly my words are taken to mean the exact oppossite of what I mean and when this happens it is always that the oppossite is silly and I feel embarassed and angry and so say nothing to not offend. This is when I have been corrected. I hate being corrected. I try not to do that to other people and it seems childish to say "I KNOWWWW" like we did when we were ten. no-one ever believes you anyway. Maybe I should record myself and then analyse why people just don't understand me. but really its a lot to do with them, so maybe I'll never know. Bit frustrating that.
So what do I want? I want to sever the feeling of duty. I haven't found out how yet, a person's expression can make me feel like I should do something, I need a new response.
I want a job that I can feel competent and useful in that leaves me with a work life balance and an ability to pay the bills. Maybe even a chance to build on it and I want time to spend more on my interests and my friends and I will always make the arts a big part of that mix.
Jobs in the arts is an option in that mix for now and for the future.
That's my manifesto and stated aim from now on.
Jen
I've been annoyingly introspective and yet I've known I needed to understand myself to move on. Feel like I've been walking the line between sadness and hope, sanity and despair. Logically all along saying so many other people go through worse and so forth so trying not to feel sorry for myself. As Mr Stephen of Fry says it may be just to feel sorry for yourself but it serves no purpose at all.
So here are the possibly contrary conclusions I have come to. I do wish they weren't so tied up in my personal experience of the situation as felt by my personality, I wish they were universal and gave you all some tips or hope or insight. Maybe for one of you they will.
I was losing my role, my status, my place, my ability to be competent in a job I had worked hard to be competent at because expectations changed and were not delivered. I have always learnt and adapted but a part of the organisation was seen as not to fit and rather than ask it to change again it was lopped of. So I left that role feeling that all the effort to glean what was needed and try to achieve it was futile and yet for the years I did it I tried as hard and as creatively as possible. It was like losing a lover and realising you had been holding up the relationship all along.
I try less hard now. Sometimes I'm trying and trying and being determined and then I think, pfff what's the point and the desire seems futile.
I used to dream and hope and strive and that elusive future that I could work for, be lucky to get, knowing I would keep trying in different ways, seeking opportunities, not pissing anyone off, being polite and helpful and honest and hardworking and reliable. I discover that wasn't as easy for me as I thought. I'm worn in places, my ability to build bubbles of hope has mostly gone.
I also motivate by guilt and duty. I feel grateful even in situations where I was giving. is it fair, is it balanced is it enough? I know now only fixing on what you should do is a route to resentment and feeling that things are a drudge. Learning is so much fun when you can go at your on pace but cramming for job applications or writing starts as a lovely challenge and ends as homework on a sunny day, and these days a sunny day I should be doing other things.
When I had my responsible job I was in a tunnel of work and no play. Family time and I went to all the events I should have, little money and little time for going to the cinema, seeing exhibitions, hardly any holidays, not asking people to babysit because I needed them to do so when I needed to work. I put the job first and it put me last, what a selfish relationship that was.
So I know I feel embarassed that I have nothing to show for all my efforts, well yes some things, but no ability to announce oh I do this now. EGO. I should get over it, I think I almost have.
I asked for advice recently as I took seriously an application for a job that woudl fascinate and challenge me and which I genuinely think I can do well. It's part time, pays badly and is a short contract, it's loads of responsibility for the money and when it ends it will look great on the cv, may one day score me a small point to a bigger job but the theme I'm getting is that I can get small experience to aid my career and at the current rate it will take 10 years to get a foot in the door. Maybe I'd enjoy it along the way? Maybe but how we are to live in that time I do not know.
It's also clear that I'm not fully formed for any role I want. I feel part in and part out.
Everyone in seems to have an idea of what I want, but they don't know. So it seems I am not making my desires understood.
I can do serious and responsible things, I can be diplomatic, empathetic, read people and know what is best to say and nudge people to think so that they come to form ideas and solutions I can see are there. But I'm read as a gallumphing childlike playful person and frustratingly my words are taken to mean the exact oppossite of what I mean and when this happens it is always that the oppossite is silly and I feel embarassed and angry and so say nothing to not offend. This is when I have been corrected. I hate being corrected. I try not to do that to other people and it seems childish to say "I KNOWWWW" like we did when we were ten. no-one ever believes you anyway. Maybe I should record myself and then analyse why people just don't understand me. but really its a lot to do with them, so maybe I'll never know. Bit frustrating that.
So what do I want? I want to sever the feeling of duty. I haven't found out how yet, a person's expression can make me feel like I should do something, I need a new response.
I want a job that I can feel competent and useful in that leaves me with a work life balance and an ability to pay the bills. Maybe even a chance to build on it and I want time to spend more on my interests and my friends and I will always make the arts a big part of that mix.
Jobs in the arts is an option in that mix for now and for the future.
That's my manifesto and stated aim from now on.
Jen
Sunday 20 May 2012
Pause for reflection
So I took a holiday, went to NYC like I'd always wanted to. Felt very at home. Went back to my part time temp job and realised how positive it is to feel appreciated and useful. I can see me volunteering for new tasks and getting well stuck in again, even though there is no career there.
Also I realise that all my efforts for myself over the last year or so have not had the directly positive effect I had hoped. I truly feel I have spent most of my previous time in friendships and work encouraging and enabling everyone else and also focusing on learning new skills and making opportunities for myself. Now I feel like all my energy has been somewhat helpful to everyone else and I'm just tired. How horrid to feel so resentful. I don't feel used, I just feel it's unfair.
In some ways it's been great to encourage upcoming artists and graduates. Actually it really has. I love it. And great to be able to do some writing and have it read, even if I'm writing for free. It's been great to contribute to the library, a great resource in a great organisation. But now it's nearly finished, the celebration of it goes on without me. I'm not even free to go to the opening. I know it will be so easy for me to slip away into the unknown. The young pretender, who actually has had a life long passion for art and drama and cinema and all things creative.
But what exactly have I lacked? The conviction that a career in this world is possible, and the confidence to speak up infront of people I genuinely admire.
This will amaze people who know and worked with me. I am hard to impress, I know that all humans are equally of worth and no-one scares me. Don't get intimidated by chief executives, ministers, professors, celebrities and I have friends I really admire, but they are friends and I trust them not to laugh at me.
I realised that when I'm not looking for the dream job or hanging out with people I want to work with or reading about other's success (That facebook phenomenon of everyone saying how great their lives are all the time) I'm quite happy.
It's like the class system or economics, if you see other's wealth you want it.
There is a job I really want that I know I can do.
Madly I also got a request to reapply for a job I went for last year. Why? I wonder. Maybe I was their original 2nd choice, who knows. I have reapplied, but it is not the job I want.
I need to plot a course between giving up and not feeling worthy and going for my dreams with conviction and maintaining my happiness for other's success.
Easy to be generous of spirit when all is well in your own life. I've always been proud of this in my self but I see it is a danger of being a fairweather quality.
I resolve to try harder and not become the bitter fearful underdog. I understand better those that feel that way and judge them less.
Not capitalizing on all my hard work would really hurt. Again I sucked the fun out of it for myself by feeling to scared of my future. I've been really sensible with my redundancy money and we'll be fine for a while yet, but to be sensible you can't relax and enjoy it.
Top thing is that I've had more time with my son and husband, great joys in my life.
If I focus on that and the possibility of what's out there, happy.
If I focus on the uncertainty and hopelessness of trying, despair.
There are genuinely no guarentees that I will get a job and keep paying the mortgage or anything, real ruin is not beyond question and I feel I should face that like an inducement to work harder to find work, but then it just adds to the fear and the fear stops you moving on.
See it's not rational but in this protracted period of job uncertainty self-hypnosis is the only way to keep going. I wish I wasn't so bloody self aware to know that's what I'm doing. And I wish there were some reassuring facts I'm missing that will reveal themselves.
I shall work really hard on my application, knowing that there will be much competition no matter how hard I try, but focus on success besides and I'll keep you informed.
Jen
Also I realise that all my efforts for myself over the last year or so have not had the directly positive effect I had hoped. I truly feel I have spent most of my previous time in friendships and work encouraging and enabling everyone else and also focusing on learning new skills and making opportunities for myself. Now I feel like all my energy has been somewhat helpful to everyone else and I'm just tired. How horrid to feel so resentful. I don't feel used, I just feel it's unfair.
In some ways it's been great to encourage upcoming artists and graduates. Actually it really has. I love it. And great to be able to do some writing and have it read, even if I'm writing for free. It's been great to contribute to the library, a great resource in a great organisation. But now it's nearly finished, the celebration of it goes on without me. I'm not even free to go to the opening. I know it will be so easy for me to slip away into the unknown. The young pretender, who actually has had a life long passion for art and drama and cinema and all things creative.
But what exactly have I lacked? The conviction that a career in this world is possible, and the confidence to speak up infront of people I genuinely admire.
This will amaze people who know and worked with me. I am hard to impress, I know that all humans are equally of worth and no-one scares me. Don't get intimidated by chief executives, ministers, professors, celebrities and I have friends I really admire, but they are friends and I trust them not to laugh at me.
I realised that when I'm not looking for the dream job or hanging out with people I want to work with or reading about other's success (That facebook phenomenon of everyone saying how great their lives are all the time) I'm quite happy.
It's like the class system or economics, if you see other's wealth you want it.
There is a job I really want that I know I can do.
Madly I also got a request to reapply for a job I went for last year. Why? I wonder. Maybe I was their original 2nd choice, who knows. I have reapplied, but it is not the job I want.
I need to plot a course between giving up and not feeling worthy and going for my dreams with conviction and maintaining my happiness for other's success.
Easy to be generous of spirit when all is well in your own life. I've always been proud of this in my self but I see it is a danger of being a fairweather quality.
I resolve to try harder and not become the bitter fearful underdog. I understand better those that feel that way and judge them less.
Not capitalizing on all my hard work would really hurt. Again I sucked the fun out of it for myself by feeling to scared of my future. I've been really sensible with my redundancy money and we'll be fine for a while yet, but to be sensible you can't relax and enjoy it.
Top thing is that I've had more time with my son and husband, great joys in my life.
If I focus on that and the possibility of what's out there, happy.
If I focus on the uncertainty and hopelessness of trying, despair.
There are genuinely no guarentees that I will get a job and keep paying the mortgage or anything, real ruin is not beyond question and I feel I should face that like an inducement to work harder to find work, but then it just adds to the fear and the fear stops you moving on.
See it's not rational but in this protracted period of job uncertainty self-hypnosis is the only way to keep going. I wish I wasn't so bloody self aware to know that's what I'm doing. And I wish there were some reassuring facts I'm missing that will reveal themselves.
I shall work really hard on my application, knowing that there will be much competition no matter how hard I try, but focus on success besides and I'll keep you informed.
Jen
Thursday 26 April 2012
Where you been girl? Been a while
Yes sorry about that, it has.
Well I think if you read between the lines it was obvious I was experiencing a somewhat meltdown. I knew I was. I was trying to ride the wave of balance between doing everything I can to get a job, build the CV, be productive and be relaxed and fresh enough to not lose my mind and actually give my best. I managed to reach the shore without fully melting but it was a close call.
I have my big dream holiday coming up and I may be nuts but it cost a lot of money (my only redundancy indulgence) and I've waited so long that I didn't want to ruin it by being stressed or ill. I often get a virus when I take leave, I have an awesome sick record but as soon as the adrenaline of working leaves me, wham! So I decided to do no volunteering in April and as I've been in the same PA role for a while I feel pretty much on top of that. So it's been a month of feeling more confident and in my more idle moments more clarity about what skills I have I'm not marketing or being aware of.
Still not very far forward on exactly what I'd like to focus on doing but getting there incrementally. Pleased to find the stepping back is not making me become less ambitious or confident, that was the fear.
March was very busy, finished teaching people how to catalogue the books and wrote procedures for that. Effectively planning for sharing or handing over. Similarly in my current role I'm writing a huge desk notes transition memo type thing. Helpful for me to order my thoughts and helpful for the next person too.
I ran an Auction in March which was successful on many fronts, the item sold for it's reserve, the artist was content with the money made, the community group were happy with the money made, the charity were happy and the buyer was ecstatic. No exaggeration. I now totally understand the 40% commission galleries take is not too much. Lot's of work. A real sense of achievement and made some firm friends too.
Still looking and applying and have volunteered to run a commissioning task for the place I'm working at, not sure if they can or will take me up on the offer but I put a good case forward.
Onwards and sideways!
Jen
Well I think if you read between the lines it was obvious I was experiencing a somewhat meltdown. I knew I was. I was trying to ride the wave of balance between doing everything I can to get a job, build the CV, be productive and be relaxed and fresh enough to not lose my mind and actually give my best. I managed to reach the shore without fully melting but it was a close call.
I have my big dream holiday coming up and I may be nuts but it cost a lot of money (my only redundancy indulgence) and I've waited so long that I didn't want to ruin it by being stressed or ill. I often get a virus when I take leave, I have an awesome sick record but as soon as the adrenaline of working leaves me, wham! So I decided to do no volunteering in April and as I've been in the same PA role for a while I feel pretty much on top of that. So it's been a month of feeling more confident and in my more idle moments more clarity about what skills I have I'm not marketing or being aware of.
Still not very far forward on exactly what I'd like to focus on doing but getting there incrementally. Pleased to find the stepping back is not making me become less ambitious or confident, that was the fear.
March was very busy, finished teaching people how to catalogue the books and wrote procedures for that. Effectively planning for sharing or handing over. Similarly in my current role I'm writing a huge desk notes transition memo type thing. Helpful for me to order my thoughts and helpful for the next person too.
I ran an Auction in March which was successful on many fronts, the item sold for it's reserve, the artist was content with the money made, the community group were happy with the money made, the charity were happy and the buyer was ecstatic. No exaggeration. I now totally understand the 40% commission galleries take is not too much. Lot's of work. A real sense of achievement and made some firm friends too.
Still looking and applying and have volunteered to run a commissioning task for the place I'm working at, not sure if they can or will take me up on the offer but I put a good case forward.
Onwards and sideways!
Jen
Friday 17 February 2012
First rule of Art Club is Talk about Art Club
Here is the article, thanks Geraldine!
http://roathcardiff.net/2012/02/11/art-club/
Art Club
Jennifer Pearce, arts professional, and volunteer with Made in Roath and art gallery g39 (recently relocated to Roath), has written us a guest post about her new venture, Art Club.
Meeting today at 12 noon, Saturday 11th February, to visit the Contemporary Galleries at the National Museum, and later the Martin Tinney Gallery, Jennifer introduces Art Club here.
ART CLUB IS FOR YOU
So many people say art isn’t for them, or feel they need knowledge or money to access the subject. Art on television and radio has improved, making it more accessible, whilst treating the audience with respect and giving in depth discussion. But the audience has not expanded as much as this would suggest. Art Club exists to break down barriers between this interest and the reality of gallery visits.
Book Clubs helped people expand their reading, try new things and meet people. Why not do that with art? I created Art Club to begin the process of encouraging people to feel included and enjoy the visual arts by inviting friends along one by one, and every time, they wanted to stay longer than planned.
Art Club expands the invite to all to come on this voyage of discovery, see more, see something new, discuss old favourites, meet people and have an enjoyable and interesting time.
Each month a show or exhibition is viewed in your own time or at the group view. We’ll then discuss it over a drink at The Gower Pub (located on the borders of Roath and Cathays), Cardiff on the 2nd Saturday of each month at 2pm.
Visit www.artclubcardiff.co.uk for full listings.
You can follow Jennifer on twitter here.
Meeting today at 12 noon, Saturday 11th February, to visit the Contemporary Galleries at the National Museum, and later the Martin Tinney Gallery, Jennifer introduces Art Club here.
ART CLUB IS FOR YOU
So many people say art isn’t for them, or feel they need knowledge or money to access the subject. Art on television and radio has improved, making it more accessible, whilst treating the audience with respect and giving in depth discussion. But the audience has not expanded as much as this would suggest. Art Club exists to break down barriers between this interest and the reality of gallery visits.
Book Clubs helped people expand their reading, try new things and meet people. Why not do that with art? I created Art Club to begin the process of encouraging people to feel included and enjoy the visual arts by inviting friends along one by one, and every time, they wanted to stay longer than planned.
Art Club expands the invite to all to come on this voyage of discovery, see more, see something new, discuss old favourites, meet people and have an enjoyable and interesting time.
Each month a show or exhibition is viewed in your own time or at the group view. We’ll then discuss it over a drink at The Gower Pub (located on the borders of Roath and Cathays), Cardiff on the 2nd Saturday of each month at 2pm.
Visit www.artclubcardiff.co.uk for full listings.
You can follow Jennifer on twitter here.
Friday 10 February 2012
Scared but Prepared
So went to interview, lovely people, I was scared but prepared. They were smiley to the point of looking insincere at times but I used my homework, mentioned my South Korean Government Delegation learned a Korean greeting, used it for my communication example. Maybe I waffled a bit due to nerves, some of their questions were wide ranging like "The job entails HR, Finance and Health and Safety functions tell us about when you have been involved with this?" "gulp"
Anyway got a great tour of the Art School understand their safety labelling now and felt I created rapport, did not get it. Someone else had used the systems they have previously. Three jobs down with that feedback. Best to accept that's true and not speculate. Hope is slightly diminished but I am pushing those negatives out, they don't help.
Went to work today, only wept a bit on the bus, first time been alone, reminded myself Stephen Fry says feeling sorry for yourself is justified but pointless. Ok day in work, getting to know the job and playing catch up, lovely colleagues who taught me more HE things to help in my future applications (bless, how nice)
Visited gallery on way home now committed to Library cataloguing every thursday. Good. Best to be involved.
Wrote a blurb on my Art Club idea for Roathcardiff.net, they have kindly agreed to do a feature on the concept so that helps. Got a lovely feedback from a local gallery owner via the website, made my day.
Tomorrow month 2 group view, none of my bankable turner uppers are available it may be just me!
Will in that case research my article for cymruculture.
Ho hum, busy in many directions but meaningful employment not so much. Just glad my bank balance was for once more than I had thought.
Anyway got a great tour of the Art School understand their safety labelling now and felt I created rapport, did not get it. Someone else had used the systems they have previously. Three jobs down with that feedback. Best to accept that's true and not speculate. Hope is slightly diminished but I am pushing those negatives out, they don't help.
Went to work today, only wept a bit on the bus, first time been alone, reminded myself Stephen Fry says feeling sorry for yourself is justified but pointless. Ok day in work, getting to know the job and playing catch up, lovely colleagues who taught me more HE things to help in my future applications (bless, how nice)
Visited gallery on way home now committed to Library cataloguing every thursday. Good. Best to be involved.
Wrote a blurb on my Art Club idea for Roathcardiff.net, they have kindly agreed to do a feature on the concept so that helps. Got a lovely feedback from a local gallery owner via the website, made my day.
Tomorrow month 2 group view, none of my bankable turner uppers are available it may be just me!
Will in that case research my article for cymruculture.
Ho hum, busy in many directions but meaningful employment not so much. Just glad my bank balance was for once more than I had thought.
Tuesday 7 February 2012
Art Club has a website
Designing a website, I read quite a bit of a website for Dummies book, I tried to refresh my html, limited though it was and then found out the world had moved on and hosted websites for things other than blogs also exist. Had a personal reccommendation for one and now 1 day and £50 later I have my own domain name forever, a simple site for a year and a logo.
The logo was the hard part, I have no talent and no design software. There are logo design websites, some are awful, I searched long and hard and found a lovely one. Free to use on website logos are everywhere and then pay to use in print.
As my point was to get a recognisable logo so everyone knew all my advertising was me I had to pay. Only I couldn't, they wanted dollars, I have that ability (don't ask I won't tell) but as I don't have a USA address I couldn't so 2 or so hours of logo design, I miss it now, gone. It was lovely.
I made one that was similar to it with clipart, well it's like a Golf. Anyway it will work.
I wrote some leaflets and getting it printed needed nice design software, used desktop and did it myself. You may see me on a Library noticeboard near you.
www.artclubcardiff.co.uk
Feel free to link to this and tell your friends.
I have been asked to give some background on why I'm doing this...
I love Art, i'm a culture vulture, always have I think. I spent years in museum's as a kid, it rains in Wales. Both my parents paint a bit, they said "ooh look at that" a lot to me in my life, the way the sun is coming through clouds or a flower in a hedgerow, I started noticing peeling paint or saw faces in scaffolding. I've always looked at buildings and redesigned them in my head, dreamily imagining living in them, well actually lately not so much too grown up now I can imagine the maintenance too.
I talk to people who say art isn't for them. Don't get it, it's ugly, why do we spend money on that crap? I could make that. Galleries just for posh people. But they'll talk for hours about the best pair of trainers they ever had or hankered after or a vinyl record cover or a tattoo they admire. It's all really the same.
They can talk about music or film or adverts or the colour of their neighbour's front door.
Visually they care to some extent and if they can feel that their opinion is as much worthy, which it is, then great, share it.
Everyone should see art lots of it and see artistry in everything they see. They'll be happier, I'll be happier, we may get people buying art not just expensive wallpaper.
This is a dream of mine, art for all
IMAGINE
Jen
The logo was the hard part, I have no talent and no design software. There are logo design websites, some are awful, I searched long and hard and found a lovely one. Free to use on website logos are everywhere and then pay to use in print.
As my point was to get a recognisable logo so everyone knew all my advertising was me I had to pay. Only I couldn't, they wanted dollars, I have that ability (don't ask I won't tell) but as I don't have a USA address I couldn't so 2 or so hours of logo design, I miss it now, gone. It was lovely.
I made one that was similar to it with clipart, well it's like a Golf. Anyway it will work.
I wrote some leaflets and getting it printed needed nice design software, used desktop and did it myself. You may see me on a Library noticeboard near you.
www.artclubcardiff.co.uk
Feel free to link to this and tell your friends.
I have been asked to give some background on why I'm doing this...
I love Art, i'm a culture vulture, always have I think. I spent years in museum's as a kid, it rains in Wales. Both my parents paint a bit, they said "ooh look at that" a lot to me in my life, the way the sun is coming through clouds or a flower in a hedgerow, I started noticing peeling paint or saw faces in scaffolding. I've always looked at buildings and redesigned them in my head, dreamily imagining living in them, well actually lately not so much too grown up now I can imagine the maintenance too.
I talk to people who say art isn't for them. Don't get it, it's ugly, why do we spend money on that crap? I could make that. Galleries just for posh people. But they'll talk for hours about the best pair of trainers they ever had or hankered after or a vinyl record cover or a tattoo they admire. It's all really the same.
They can talk about music or film or adverts or the colour of their neighbour's front door.
Visually they care to some extent and if they can feel that their opinion is as much worthy, which it is, then great, share it.
Everyone should see art lots of it and see artistry in everything they see. They'll be happier, I'll be happier, we may get people buying art not just expensive wallpaper.
This is a dream of mine, art for all
IMAGINE
Jen
Monday 30 January 2012
Applying for Jobs and the feelings that come
It's like going on a blind date. you are showing what is most appealing of yourself and answering the list of requirements. age range, hair colour, must know Spanish, believe in Jesus, be able to kiss your elbow. The list is very long. You happen to find some lists that you fit and you start to respond, you write it all down, it seems long, you get tired of thinking of new description words that convey how you did it all by yourself and have sincerity not boastfulness and then you feel resentment that they want to be so prescriptive. Do I really have to drive or is a clean driving licence euphemism for wanting a suggestion of compliance of rules to the point of never having had a speeding infringement? I start to suspect their motives, I feel interrogated, challenged, you are not good enough and you will never meet my long exacting list. Then they want references and honestly by now I just want to give them my previous owners telephone numbers and say go on ring them, they'll tell you, why ask me? They won't be coy and they'll recall more because its not oppressive and tiring and almost offensive to them.
I'll wear a shorter skirt, make my intentions clear, I will prostrate myself, lie down at your mercy, consider me for this job? You won't regret it.
There is some, oh god why should I do this again. Every application wants your education and employment history in a different format, each list item is worded differently and each person reading it wants to see different things. I know I have all you need and yet getting you to see that, bother reading it, is all chance and after how many I've started and all the ones I've finished, and nothing to show for it, each word you write I wonder why I bother.
Having left a job and a workplace I was at for 15 years I feel that I am rusty, I am conditioned to the way we recruited there. Each word fine tooth come, considered and thorough. Don't suppose it yielded better results, but it felt fair.
So an interview at last. I feel some hope but this weight of effort and dissapointment must be thrown away first and how I wonder?
I'll wear a shorter skirt, make my intentions clear, I will prostrate myself, lie down at your mercy, consider me for this job? You won't regret it.
There is some, oh god why should I do this again. Every application wants your education and employment history in a different format, each list item is worded differently and each person reading it wants to see different things. I know I have all you need and yet getting you to see that, bother reading it, is all chance and after how many I've started and all the ones I've finished, and nothing to show for it, each word you write I wonder why I bother.
Having left a job and a workplace I was at for 15 years I feel that I am rusty, I am conditioned to the way we recruited there. Each word fine tooth come, considered and thorough. Don't suppose it yielded better results, but it felt fair.
So an interview at last. I feel some hope but this weight of effort and dissapointment must be thrown away first and how I wonder?
Sunday 22 January 2012
London Baby Yeah
So as usual said lovely friend and I met up at Paddington Station for a day of following our noses and talking lots. She thinks I put real care and attention into making a day that suits her but it seems we fortunately enjoy the same things, I just drag her out of her comfort zone just enough. We went into a few intimate galleries in Camden and Fitzrovia, saw lots of works in ceramic. Slip molded tubes stuck to a canvas that as my non art gallery going friend noted, captured movement. We also saw canvases with sculptures attached boxed in as if one of Rene Magritte's Empty Mask paintings had taken three dimensional form. We saw a painting by a trained draughtsman of london and Thames in the snow, slightly sentimental depiction of the late 50's with some Lowri influences if you ask me, sells really well.
Then when I was thinking lets do no more galleries across the street I spotted in the corner of a window a small scale David Begbie piece, I was sure. I'd seen a show of his in Shad Thames about 15 years ago and had the catalogue for years. We crossed and entered and sure enough it was, we looked at the new work and the lady in the gallery said she preferred the early stuff. We agreed that his amazing accuracy in capturing the human form, muscles, flesh and so forth and them mixing genders in one form was so intriguing. I always found them compelling and here they were lit so well that you got the shadows to mirror the objects. In the basement gallery his newest reproduceable work in 2D cast the same shadows as the 3D, one of Amy Winehouse was part of a recent charity show. Impressive but not as compelling. We talked about all the work and she introduced herself as David Begbie's wife, this was so exciting, normally I'm not phased by the cult of the artist bull' but he'd become part of my mental landscape so ot was so nice to be connected, plus she kept asking me my opinion and shucks who doesn't like that?
It's nearly Chinese New Year so we had lunch in Soho, the Royal Dragon, can not say how delicious it was, so fresh, its not the best looking place from the outside, but trust me, its good.
We walked lots and tubed little so by the time we reached festival hall I was grateful for a sit down and cake. Outsider Tart produced my second ever real life conversation with a New Yorker and a very chocaletely satisfyingly textured Hepburn, after visiting Tiffany's earlier all the possible get ready for NYC Art scene and holiday in May puns were complete.
Then when I was thinking lets do no more galleries across the street I spotted in the corner of a window a small scale David Begbie piece, I was sure. I'd seen a show of his in Shad Thames about 15 years ago and had the catalogue for years. We crossed and entered and sure enough it was, we looked at the new work and the lady in the gallery said she preferred the early stuff. We agreed that his amazing accuracy in capturing the human form, muscles, flesh and so forth and them mixing genders in one form was so intriguing. I always found them compelling and here they were lit so well that you got the shadows to mirror the objects. In the basement gallery his newest reproduceable work in 2D cast the same shadows as the 3D, one of Amy Winehouse was part of a recent charity show. Impressive but not as compelling. We talked about all the work and she introduced herself as David Begbie's wife, this was so exciting, normally I'm not phased by the cult of the artist bull' but he'd become part of my mental landscape so ot was so nice to be connected, plus she kept asking me my opinion and shucks who doesn't like that?
 |
| David Begbie 2011 |
It's nearly Chinese New Year so we had lunch in Soho, the Royal Dragon, can not say how delicious it was, so fresh, its not the best looking place from the outside, but trust me, its good.
We walked lots and tubed little so by the time we reached festival hall I was grateful for a sit down and cake. Outsider Tart produced my second ever real life conversation with a New Yorker and a very chocaletely satisfyingly textured Hepburn, after visiting Tiffany's earlier all the possible get ready for NYC Art scene and holiday in May puns were complete.
Jen
Monday 16 January 2012
New Year New Ideas?
For the first time since leaving school I had all the days off between Christmas and New Year and I was not well, in fact only this last weekend have we touched the Christmas alcohol in our home, we spent our family time together playing Skyrim and drinking soup.
Since then I've been working as a receptionist at a Charity which has been badly paid, hectic and lovely. I've felt vital and capable and useful and quite proud of my abilities to learn quickly, get along with everyone and recall people's names for at least as long as it takes to put them through or call the staff member to meet them in reception. Thenk goodness for my talent in deciphering bad handwriting and upside down for being able to use the sign in book as a guide before saying goodbye! Talented, yes.
Also my new stationery friend the Dymo label writer, can I get a woo for "Integral Guillotine" I mean the joy of pressing a chunky silver button with a scissors icon to hear a satisfy Crrrunch and a perfectly trimmed label drops effortlessly on to the desk, hmmm. I made one typo Friendi when attempting Friends, was I going for Welsh or Italian? Anyhoo I now have my own label, Friendi, it may just label my mobile.
So my To Do list in the Art World has been quietly growing. I realise that its all of my own making and I know I need to stop adding to it as it as just tiring to think of.
I shall write for a local website about Art, just when I decide precisely what
I shall review and promote another artist's great idea, just when I can find the tone for its non-core audience, hard.
I am writing a proposal for an Auction for an artist;s approval
I have begun my monthly group for viewing and discussing visual art. I will be designing posters and marketing for this venture but so far every second Saturday at 2pm I have a venue booked and some people who will come again! Plus a plan for the next three months.
I will apply for at least one of those three jobs I found.
I'm off to London this saturday to see my good friend and this will be after squeezing in getting my roots done on Friday, hopefully the hair confidence and time on a train will help magic all this along.
I think learning so many temp and volunteer jobs and meeting so many people and reading so many books has just depleted me, even aside from the studying applying and getting rejected.
I have devised a beach in which I can not sit, but a pebbly surface that bruises gently and slips me toward the sea where I am buffeted by the steady and relentless waves. I need a cushion, a windbreak, a towel, a boat - sand even and a bucket and spade and one day an ice cream damn it and a bit of sun.
Since then I've been working as a receptionist at a Charity which has been badly paid, hectic and lovely. I've felt vital and capable and useful and quite proud of my abilities to learn quickly, get along with everyone and recall people's names for at least as long as it takes to put them through or call the staff member to meet them in reception. Thenk goodness for my talent in deciphering bad handwriting and upside down for being able to use the sign in book as a guide before saying goodbye! Talented, yes.
Also my new stationery friend the Dymo label writer, can I get a woo for "Integral Guillotine" I mean the joy of pressing a chunky silver button with a scissors icon to hear a satisfy Crrrunch and a perfectly trimmed label drops effortlessly on to the desk, hmmm. I made one typo Friendi when attempting Friends, was I going for Welsh or Italian? Anyhoo I now have my own label, Friendi, it may just label my mobile.
So my To Do list in the Art World has been quietly growing. I realise that its all of my own making and I know I need to stop adding to it as it as just tiring to think of.
I shall write for a local website about Art, just when I decide precisely what
I shall review and promote another artist's great idea, just when I can find the tone for its non-core audience, hard.
I am writing a proposal for an Auction for an artist;s approval
I have begun my monthly group for viewing and discussing visual art. I will be designing posters and marketing for this venture but so far every second Saturday at 2pm I have a venue booked and some people who will come again! Plus a plan for the next three months.
I will apply for at least one of those three jobs I found.
I'm off to London this saturday to see my good friend and this will be after squeezing in getting my roots done on Friday, hopefully the hair confidence and time on a train will help magic all this along.
I think learning so many temp and volunteer jobs and meeting so many people and reading so many books has just depleted me, even aside from the studying applying and getting rejected.
I have devised a beach in which I can not sit, but a pebbly surface that bruises gently and slips me toward the sea where I am buffeted by the steady and relentless waves. I need a cushion, a windbreak, a towel, a boat - sand even and a bucket and spade and one day an ice cream damn it and a bit of sun.
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