I've had two events to go to over the last weekend, Friday night a thank you event for Madeinroath where I finally got to meet the poorly panel member, she did not dissapoint. I saw and reacquainted myself with people form made in roath, had a home made mince pie and slice of christmas cake, logo decorated and all. Also had some Mrs Beeton's recipe mulled wine, best I've ever had, will be looking that recipe up.
I did, here it is:
TO MULL WINE.
INGREDIENTS.- To every pint of wine allow 1 large cupful of water, sugar and spice to taste.
Mode.-In making preparations like the above, it is very difficult to give the exact proportions of ingredients like sugar and spice, as what quantity might suit one person would be to another quite distasteful. Boil the spice in the water until the flavour is extracted, then add the wine and sugar, and bring the whole to the boiling-point, when serve with strips of crisp dry toast, or with biscuits. The spices usually used for mulled wine are cloves, grated nutmeg, and cinnamon or mace. Any kind of wine may be mulled, but port and claret are those usually selected for the purpose; and the latter requires a very large proportion of sugar. The vessel that the wine is boiled in must be delicately clean, and should be kept exclusively for the purpose. Small tin warmers may be purchased for a trifle, which are more suitable than saucepans, as, if the latter are not scrupulously clean, they spoil the wine, by imparting to it a very disagreeable flavour. These warmers should be used for no other purpose."

Not sure that helped, but I can confirm you can heat it with tea candles, about 20 of them for a 6 pint saucepan on a stand, just be patient.

g39 had their opening, they are now just off City Road behind the Earnest Willows pub. Spent Friday daytime leafleting and scanning more library books, by Saturday the library had transformed into an intimate slide show space of shots of the previous venue and shows, it seemed warmer.

The main space contained the 18ft Christmas Tree with lights, I was told the story of treacherous balancing and stretching that made it so, I only hope that getting them down will be accomplished more easily. Also the outlines in real dimensions of the old space over three floors wer marked out. Tiny.

I remarked that use of the space was so cunning and of course in the new space new cunning ways will be needed. One visitor pointed out its all horizontals whereas before it was all verticals, too true. But it's still bigger and one wall being used her to project words with comfy chairs infront of it did make you realsie how easy it is to visually divide. 2  staff members were up into the early hours making soup and mulled cider was also on offer. Yum, worth the effort on this cold day and it was great to here people who had never visited g39 before had come for the first time. Brilliant. Always like a new audience.

Talking of which have started my Art Club Discussion group, feel welcome do, 14th January Gower Pub, Roath, Cardiff, 2pm

I will be taking time this festive season to assess my options. Currently working tomorrow and then first three weeks in January temp wise. Lots of other things have dissapeared been reduced or just gone quiet. Suspect busy time has part to do wth it. Hav eheard talking to people over the socialising about some interview questions and I am not the only one to perceive that feedback of why did not get it does not refelct the job advert. This was true of my first application for a finance person for a Theatre over a year ago, feedback was everyone else wrote pages on their enthusiasm for Theatre, wheras I had killed myself getting a Foundation in Financial Management qualification to boost my chances. Suggestion was they put very broad requirements so they can narrow the field. Makes sense, that or considering how many applications they choose the obvious known person, the one who suggests something they didn't even think of they liked or something like that. It's totally a recruiters market and It was suggested to me i was knew to the field. Well yes and no. All my life all my hobby time has been spent on the Arts, only followed sport since I got a son, not interested in shopping, oh well another hobby is food I'll concede that, but A level and degree choices and all the books I read nope, Drama, Film, Visual Art all the way.

At least I'm making more friends who share an interest and that's great. resources of time were too small to indulge my interests enough and I suspect that resources of money will dent it too now. But I shall try and maintain and look for work that will not detract too much from my goal.

No decisions till after Christmas is the plan, still have wrapping and delivering to Finish and a list of I shoulds to get through,

Jen

Hidden Art

At least inspired my Dad do go and have a look at some Art. He went to the St David's Hall show and make a shortlist of stuff he really liked, some of which I concerred with and he chose the other work by Pascal Michel-Dubois than the one I had actually considered buying him, so at least I hadn't spent in vain.

My new temp job is in Cardiff Uni on Newport Road. Had lunch in the cafeteria today and blow me but there are 7 canvases from around 1940-1960 and then in their midst a naff repro of Monet's poppyfield. No labels, one crooked and all being ignored. Some look really high quality and I will investigate!

One is a painting of the JFK assassination, its all dense layours of black paint, very matt and velvety with colour, mostly bright lime for outlines and Jackie's pink pillarbox hat, the view is cropped so the bottom is the top edge of the car, its brilliant.

People should see them.

Planning Art Club like Book Club more in my mind now.

Loving the new temp job, today "you've been marvelous" and slightly challenging and learning new word and excel tricks, thought I'd exhausted that, but good to learn. Only downside staplers and so forth not so great, in fact the keyboard is rather worn and slowed my typing speed.

Nous Allon

Jen

Books

Tuesday and back at g39/WARP and now Elbow room's library in their new space. Cavenous and cool, it is housing storage boxes and an 18ft Christmas tree that is dwarfed by the space. Its a bit surreal just braced into the mainframe of the structure.

I spent 5 very happy hours in the library, currently a small well lit room with empty white shelves, an apple mac and the most gorgeously wondrous scanner I have ever had the pleasure of working with. Its an Epson and it has a dual lens system. Its p*** easy to use and even makes crappy images look good and great ones look incredible. Plus its quick and it allows you to name and number things seperately so you can helpfully scan books and keep track of how many you have done, have the same description but different sequence numbers. Its so nice when things just work! Yay for Epson.

I'd been chomping at the bit to get the books out of their boxes even whilst packing them away. The range of books is quite amazing, some early arts council publications like "Paintings of Welsh People" and loads of collective Estonian contemporary artists books, many bilingual books and some on architecture, some chinese works, japanese works, Chapter show catalogues as you might expect but also all sorts of mad things like the Creative Whack Kick Game, I really need to look into that more, its a pack of cards that when you play it makes you think differently and gets you out of a creative black hole, also sculpture park guides on suggestions for ideas for sculpture. Basically its a unique wide ranging group of books and magazines and stuff that will one day with my help be on line and searchable and usuable by anyone on the Wales Artist Resource Programme, you could learn stuff, entertain yourself or make artworks out of what you find there.   I want to read them all and get an honorary Phd, Ok I'll settle for an MA.

Tomorrow I'll be the new girl again. May just last two days but its cardiff Uni and I am looking forward to that. I'll let you know if I meet the perfect hole punch or similar.

Jen

Decisions and Directions

Yesterday I went again to the excellent XSC after a lovely guest had left us on the weekend. He was kind enough to introduce me to a kindred spirit at dinner on Saturday, and all credit to my genius son who was on his best polite, charming and impressive behaviour, discussing the Villa de Signoria in Florence that was featured on the wall with great knowledge. I'd love to claim we've taken our ten year old on the grand tour but the truth is he plays Assassin's creed on PS3, naughty working class parent thing rather than nurturing middle class thing, and the certificate is too old for him. Actually he is clever enough to remind me it is just pixels killing pixels so I'm not too worried I've warped him and he has learnt Italian and lots of Art History. In think we would all get great joy from a trip to Italy though so it is in my plan to wangle that somehow, although I suspect stopping him climbing the buildings may still be an issue. 

Its great to be busy and this week I am. Today its a social trip for lunch with a stop off at the library first, tomorrow and friday voluntary work with lovely people and weds and thurs an interesting placement with my agency. 

Talking of which left the last placement on Friday and the rain soaked cold wait at the bus stop on my home journey did make me feel happy to see the back of it. I had taken time to settle in to the group their, although I'm fairly sure I hid that well, by the end I had a few really genuine laughs, none I can tell you about, aside from my reaction was "that shouldn't be funny but it is" and had my giggling internally for many hours. Good times. They gave me a good luck card and I need luck, plus this comment; "You are a really hard worker and I wish you good luck in your search for a position in arts admin." with the boss' thanks.

Talking to people in the industry, which as you might imagine, means I've heard a lot of opinions, and taking time to reflect is helping me reach some decisions. I've said that friends get fustrated that I'm being used and not being paid and I say well I'm getting valuable experience. This is true but it seems that there is a culture of artists and others in the industry doing a lot of admin and "dirty work" like marketing themselves that they have no desire to do. I imagine in times of success they pay people to do this but in lean times anyone able and willing does it and for no pay, the longer it goes on the more bad feeling it creates. So the long term may be continue to volunteer until everyone else drops out, or I could just be carving a niche as that helpful girl we don't need to pay, and then people expect it of me. So I need to trim my volunteer work. Keep active and have a profile but not prioritise it as I have been doing. 

Also I need to get more paid work. At the present just take more agency work and far more fundementally look at how I am presenting myself. 

I've tried to do this wisely but now I look back and see the error of my ways. My last feedback felt harsh but what I realise is everyone else worded it kindly, which meant really no lessons learned. 

I need to circumvent prejudices about large organisations, the civil service and talk more about my real day to day experience, I need to talk about my volunteer experience and passion and make all of this businesslike. My marketing has got me volunteer positions and thats what it has suited. When I graduated in 1996 it took me nearly a year to get a volunteer position so I must see this as a success. Although the world may just have changed but I've decided to take the credit.

So I am going to write for my kindred's spirits website. I am going to start the art club like a book club. I'll flesh that out when I have that defined precisely, and I'm going to pursue work that does not detract too much from what I want to do. It may be that that will be it and I won't do much more than what I have started and I'll be using my spare time or more accurately using up all my waking hours, but that should weather the storm of this economic situation and make me able to apply for the jobs when they reappear, or I'll just be happy with that. 

That's the new plan of attack.

Jen

Rant over?

Well for now at least. It did get me thinking almost immediately that I need to take time to think and then lots of cliches hit me.

In the discard as not useful/horrid turn of phrase/ignore category where:

• More than one way to skin a cat (urgghhh)
• There is always someone worse of you than you (yes that's why I will stop, don't need to feel guilty too)
• Maybe failure is your thing (But woody allen does make me smile)
• Its easier to find a job when you have a job

Useful if not cheesier category are:

• onwards and upwards
• to change outcomes you have to change inputs (do something differently)
• If you raise your eyes up to heaven, heaven is what you'll see (Lyle Lovatt, I think he means you need to believe and focus and have an open mind or what is there which is good will not appear)

Yesterday even in my dispair I did have three meetings with people I am volunteering with or for, and wasn't too negative when I was with them either. But it did put me in a position of listening more and there was some advice. It was thought good that I was still active in the arts, I agree and it does at least mean I'm gaining experience and it is fun. I had a long talk with a person in a similar position ot me who has not just got a plan B but is on "plan S"so this made me think tenacity at one plan may be a positive and on the other hand think of other things to pursue, maybe plan B and plan C. Also we talked about a few start up things and I was interested but not wowed by them but the advise I got was maybe to start small and grow.

I do want just for fun, because no idea how to monetise it anyhoo, to start an art club like a book club where people who like art or think they might meet once a month and discuss a show or a commercial or museum gallery exhibit together, maybe with a field trip. The point being for fun like a book club with mutual respectful conversation. I think it's long overdue as many people are intimidated and that's unfair. I'd like wider audiences. I think meeting in a pub would be good as so little get enough trade at the moment either.

Then we thought about have a go nights where you have a try and write poetry, sing, play guitar (just that one song you always wanted), origami, watercolour, lots of things and maybe do an event as part fo new years resolution season. Could be fun if nothing else. Skills sharing non judgemental fun. Sounds  abit like Cerbyd's project, maybe some unintentional copying going on here, hmmm.

Anyway finish current temp placement this week, have some volunteer work for a few days next week and the following. Temp Agency called me with praise and asked me to work next wed and thurs "I'd love to" so looking forward to that, its at a Uni and conveniently located and only clashes with one volunteer day I pencilled in. Also have tomorrow on leave so will be making my flat all spick and span for weekend visitor and Christmas. Just in case life gets really busy between now and then or I just get too drunk to bother.

I don't even drink that much normally but we have christmas tipples in and they look tempting.

Jen

I've had enough

Sorry, but I have.

I've had enough rejections and annoying feedback.

I quote you from a selection of the jobs and trainee posts I have applied for over the last 12 months:

"we had over seventy good quality applications.  There were probably thirty candidates  I would have been happy to see on the shortlist - including you so don’t take the rejection too much to heart"

"We had more than 60 applications - with a long list of around 15 (of which you were included). "

"Yes we have completed the shortlist and I'm afraid you have not been selected for an interview but thank you for your interest in working for our organisation."

"Whilst we felt that you met all the essential criteria, you did not score as highly as our shortlisted candidates in terms of providing the depth of evidence for 'Negotiating skills, tact and ability to understand other's perspectives' and 'Basic understandingof the right to request information under the Freedom of Information Act2000, the exemptions from disclosure and the interaction with the DataProtection Act 1998'.  In addition you did not score as highly forthe desirable criteria as our shortlisted candidates."

"Your enthusiasm and proactivity shone through in your application. It was abundantly clear that you had many transferable skills that would be useful in the internship role. You demonstrated that you had experience in managing people and coordinating a range of situations and it was obvious that any administrative task in relation to the role would be well within your capability.
However, when considered alongside other applications, although you clearly have a substantial interest in the visual arts and you are a keen and quick learner, you were at this stage unable to demonstrate the experience of this field that will be required "

"Hi Jen, thanks very for your application which was clearly, fully and correctly filled in - always a bonus!  Sorry that you weren't shortlisted on this occasion. The standard of applications were very high and we had people apply who had more practical relevant experience of managing and working in theatre box offices and who met the person specification more closely. Be assured there was nothing fundamentally wrong with your application."

"We had many applicants who had a lot of  direct experience of marketing both performing companies and venues - and therefore had a very broad and in depth range of skills and knowledge."

"We received a very large number of extremely strong applications and on this occasion I am afraid we were not able to short list you.
I am extremely sorry to disappoint you - particularly given your strong connection with the company - and wish you all the best."

Some as you can see are more maddenning than others, some seem to say give up there's loads of great people in the market so why are you bothering?

I've had feedback to talk more about my love of the arts and then today I get be brief and use less words. I think there is a real lack of ability to write a great job and person spec' and I need to lead them to see how my skills fit, and I just can't be arsed. I know this will change but today I'm just full of rage. I work really hard whether being paid or not and I've always done a great job and I learn fast and I'm really adaptable and reliable, unfailingly nice to everyone and professional in my dealings and willing, and I'll do hours of research to be prepared for tasks in my own time and I smile nearly all the time, I know that can be annoying so I even know when to stop, I create energy and enthusiasm in a team and did I mention I try really hard, and I encourage others and I come up with ideas and I try to create efficiencies and upward manage but also learn what my leaders want and mould my ways of working to fit and make sure I pull in the same direction, I buy into a group's ethos and promote it and uphold it and I treat everyone with dignity and respect and always try to learn and grow and try harder and be better.

And today I just want to scream and cry and sulk.

I think I shall take a day soon and just do that and get it out of my system

Jen

For one night only Starring...

Last night I sang in public.

I got home very late and with a blinding headache, I'll admit to downing a brandy before going on but the headache was more as a result of waves of adrenaline and relief, very harsh stage lighting in my eyes whilst seated, loud music, but mainly the most obnoxious taxi driver I have ever met. So the headache and the journey home, not so good.

However I had a great time. Its been nice to reflect on it today too as it was sort of two experiences, I'll deal with the personal one first. How was it for me?

My husband kept asking me, "why are you doing this?" and I didn't really have an answer that I could articulate. I love singing and in my kitchen in the dark wherever I have lived I have been Nat King Cole, Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, Julie London, Morrisey, Amy Winehouse, Skin from Skunk Anansie, Lloyd Cole to mention a few. In real life I've been the descant soloist in my junior school choir and a very enthusiastic but talentless karaoke performer who receives "well you gave it your all" sort of comments.

I asked my 14 year old niece who is deaf what she wanted to be when she grows up, she said "a singer but I can't sing" and I said "me too" Really I would, I love showing off but I'm not wasting Simon Cowell's time listening to me, so Ubersong was a great opportunity for me to perform, not just sing in front of drunken mates who laugh or encourage in equal measure. I always choose karaoke songs based on ones I like, but often they are miserable or not in my limited deep vocal range, or they are duets or have huge instrumentals in them. But as we had to sing backing free I could edit the instrumentals out, I could arrange the song myself. I copied most of Rosemary Clooney's version of "In the cool cool cool of the evening" and added in some original lyrics her version lacked. I learnt the lyrics and performed the story of the song. Some people, bless them even liked it.

I was less nervous than I expected so surprised when it could be heard in my voice and the line I was surest of came out in the wrong order and I had to do it again, but I was pleased that I only heard one flatish note and my powerless voice didn't sound too weak and I got the lyrics and the tune correct with a bit of gesture (and not to much, as a signer this is hard to resist) so I performed it. Most of it is a blur but I remember some encouraging and friendly faces and I think as it was such an event these are deeply scored in to my retina and will be in the good memory pile. I felt a sense of relief and that I had not blown it and some people enjoyed it and if nothing else many people were interested to know more about the song. So for the Song Archive Project, SAP there's a song to add.  “ÜBERSONG is also about expectations and what happens when we don’t perform to the high standard we set ourselves.” said Yvonne. Well I met my realistic standards.

The event was also a book launch for SAP, produced by elbow room, it covers some of 8-10 year project of Yvonne's about songs and reactions to them and of singers and stagefright and performance and it has collaborations with psychologists about musical taste and overcoming nerves, so a text book really. Retails at £14.99

As an audience member I really enjoyed myself. And surprised myself doing so We had Mack the Knife from the shark's point of view sung by a woman reflected in a convex mirror, we had a school boy version of my old man's a dustman, we had Matt White doing a full on performance piece wearing a desert uniform against a projection of a lush green landscape singing Jerusalem (the WI anthem was gifted to them from the suffragette movement I read in my current issue of WI mag Living) and then cutting something out but we didn't see what because of an over zealous photographer, the stills will eventually tell all, we had a lady who hummed the god's save the queen tune and then sang all teh various songs that have used that tune and then hummed it again - brilliantly stretching our minds, girl gang who wore white and yelled about not caring about their reputation and then verbally assaulted us and then did it in sign language and then smashed a guitar up, madly I started thinking oooh how juvenile but by the end it felt like a feminist anthem and many more brilliant, hilarious, moving and interesting performances.

If it happens again I may not "SING" but I totally reccommend viewing,

oh and then we all sang Ivor Cutler songs, well not all of us but it was a good old singalong.  I spent some goood times with a group of friends as a teenager listening to Ivor on green vinyl at my mate David's house, happy memories. You don't get songs like that and you sure as hell don't get green vinyl outside of Homebase these days.

Also there were people there I'd met before who had forgotten me, I somehow think I may stick in the mind a bit more now.

But that's a good thing, right?

Jen

It's good to mingle

Christmas Party season is almost upon us and I realise no office party for me. Not that I love them that much they were always an expense I felt I could do without, lunches out with the whole office were nicer but seated you didn't get to mingle. Once actually at a party of course I enjoyed it.

Art show openings are like parties, you have a glass in your hand, they are less often free than they used to be, you may no non-one as was the case for me about a year ago, or it is a chance to catch up with acquiantances or friendly faces in the art world if you have been in the area of work for a while. Inevitably there are people who are old hands and just end up taking to one or two people they know well.
I am a natural mingler, I smile at everyone, start a conversation casually about anything and generally spot when  someone looks intimidated or glazes over quickly enough to back out of the conversation. Sometimes they are tricky to back out of when the other looks glazed, but "I've monopolised you" is quite useful.

Of course lots of people don't look at the art, but I tend to talk about it, also I always talk to the children which usually belong to an artist and are either naturally quiet types or have been given strict instructions to behave. I love asking kids about which work they like and I recall being at the American Art in the 20th Century exhibition at the Royal Academy in 1995ish, staring at this red painting which was all angles and a big gold number 5, I couldn't get it at all until some kid said "Mum, I love that fire engine"
When do we teach people to not believe what they see, often it is a good idea to look at art like a wide eyed child.

Last week went to an invited view of the Arcade Art latest show, free wine and meet the artist so big points there. It is a small and well lit space, see previous blogs for photos, so you can see everyone and everyone can see you. I saw a few friendly faces, met a few people and found I struggled to converse with a Hungarian whose English was perfect so no get out there. It was small and friendly and I left before I made an arse of myself.

On Sunday I went to St David's Hall christmas exhibition, this was invited via facebook and the artwork sprawls over many levels. I bought a glass of mulled wine and bumped into a WI sister who buys art, we had a chat about that and I took a long time to look at the diverse range of works. Lots of people talking of buying and I spotted that the artist whose painting I will be helping to auction had sold a work, that was encouraging.

Saw lots of people who remembered me and lots who did not, always good not to push yourelf onto these people, I held back.

Yesterday I had a day out with my husband and the opportunity to share these exhibitions with him. Found out we don't differ in our taste too much, which is interesting as in terms of decorating over teh last 15years we are at a black and white stalemate.

So tomorrow I will be performing in an artist's work, not a decision I made as a career move and only time will tell if it is positive negative or neutral, but I'll let you know.

Also today is the closing date of that job I really want, application in a week ago and paranoid me sent a copy today attached more clearly. If I'm going to lose the option of an interview it will need to be for a better reason than that.

My temp job will be coming to an end shortly and lots of things in the pipeline are being pushed back, I will need to plan in things otherwise procrastination and spending may fill the gap and I will not want that to happen.

Note to self do not go to art shows with ability to pay for anything again until all your redundnacy has gone.

The lovely Tiff Oben will be having her curatorial on 4th December, I have guests for the weekend but I hope to make it.



Jen

It's good to talk

Today met with the arts festival chair and worked through an arts funding application. Found out my file of arts funding options was not attached to my email, duh! So will resend that to people tonight.

Decided then to go get some lunch at the noodle place I used to take myself as a treat and I have missed since leaving my last full time role, it was not as good as I remember, maybe it didn't match up to three months of desire. Anyway fuel on board.

Decided then to come into central library and get this job application moving.

Very glad I did as on the way I popped into Arcade Art and met Jacqueline Alkema and discussed her work on show and her practice. As I have every intention of coming to the opening party on Thursday and will be arriving in the middle I will no longer feel on the back foot. Her use of frameless canvases with overlayered deep ground give them a deep velvety appearance which makes the skin of the subjects more luminous. Some of those words are mine and some are her's, it's good to talk.

Talking to those I do know now in the art world in Cardiff is not hard so this should give me confidence for the application as fitting in to the small team does seem to be a big selection criteria whether its listed or not. We'll see

Jen

Back in the saddle again

So after feeling like A job I wanted to apply for would never materialise it did and it scared me. After a year of rejection and all that bloody effort of filling in applications and researching companies and staff and linkedin and other internet stalking and background reading I'm not enthused to try again.

The worst bit isn't any of that of course. Its the getting your hopes up even when your brain tells you not to. Its hard not to when you also have to throw yourself into convincing others the job is the best one for you and you are best for the job. You start to believe it and then they don't agree - rejection.

But my logical brain says I have to go for it I'd be a fool not too, so I will. Closing date is way off so I have just enough time to totally overthink it and get lots of input and delete the one sentence that would have got me it.

 I fantasise about an interviewer asking me what a friend would tell them to convince them to give me the job and I answer honestly that my friends are deluded and love me to bits and they'd say all these amazing things. So really I should just put their words in my mouth, that might work.

Recent positives

Well getting to know people in the art world has been fascinating, has not led to come and work for us like my non art world contacts have somehow been expecting (I wasn't - so yay for me -for being realistic)  and I have learnt lost from listening and learning and gently questioning and some of them are on the way to being friends which is nice. But also it gives you the opportunity to ask them directly for advice and help. Scary but I was upfront and got a great response, so that's a bonus too.

I did use the impetus of needing to apply for funding to research that. It took ages and I read lots of guidance notes on how to apply. i found lots of previous funding streams are dry.

I also found many websites that charge for you to search for funding to apply for, maybe helpful for big ventures but too expensive and feels like a scam for such a small venture like the one I was looking for.

 I did manup and approach a big cheese for advice on a saturday and had an email back on a sunday! the next day. Yikes and Yay, I don't think my email was that amazing so I think genuine helpful person or I helped hit his targets.

Anyway I do feel far more knowledgeable and confident and I have shared my thoughts with an expert on the subject, knowing I will learn from her input too.

They say its not what you know its who you know but I hope I am proof that its actually sort of circular, get knowledge of who to know, know who you can, learn what you can, let that lead you to who and what to know, ask questions and oil it all with being helpful and open minded.

hopefully employed in the arts part time by 2012
Jen

Choosing your influences

You are what you eat. You are what you read.

What these both are is ways of showing you are what you choose.

I watch and read things that not one of my friends does, regularly. I just haven't met people that many people who like the same things to watch and read as me, although I know there are hundreds out there, there just not where I grew up or where I work. So I choose my influences, I read what I want and watch what I want and I chose when I was young really consciously to not fall into believing in stereotypes. I was about 12 and i don't remember why I just remember it as a really conscious decision, from this simplicity it has developed into being critical in my thinking not letting myself assume and trying to be open to changing your mind or not making it too quickly.

You can move on from the influencers you were given like parents and teachers if you do that and then its easier to follow your path. I do stil hate following the crowd and am more likely to choose something if it is an option rather than a suggestion. I did worry I was just being contrary but I have now come to see that no my choices are my own and I'm happy with them even if they are a mess of tastes and contradictions.

Finally reconnected with those art places and people I have connections with and just let them know what I was up to and up for. Maybe in a fortnight I will be back with g39 people and it will be great to catch up and share. It will be interesting to see their feedback or reaction to what I have to say.

Also started getting funding options together and one of my million (well lots) of email sign ups bore fruit, voluntary arts network send a very lengthy newsletter I half regret receiving even though its all good its not targeted so you have to trawl through it. Anyway found grants for "community" projects for about the right level of dosh and that was without trying. I promise myself will put some time aside to do that in the next three days.

Also need to rewrite my CV again, things to update and I need to start to looking for work in earnest again. Just something part time but also agreed to stay in my wed-fri temp job til end of November.  Hopefully the repetitiveness of this will not drain but inspire.

Jen

Career Choices?

Sometimes it seems that you don't have any doesn't it? But really you can say no and you can say yes and you can vote with your feet and move your butt or you can stay home and moan or get your life so full up with hobbies and jobs you hate and tea time tv or you get no help with childcare or elderly relatives and you don't ask for any and then you have no time and no money and no opportunity. So even if you are only spending 5% of time on your career or your dreams that's fine just don't spend no time on it. How you use your time and money to some extent is always your choice.

To that end I again took up the opportunity to go see a studio curatorial.  _(See XSC, one of the few blogs I follow, actually the reason I found this site and am therefore blogging now) _

This was only my second as there was a break whilst many artists spent time at the Venice Biennale Collatoral (like fringe)  events, often in little bars it seems, I really must go one year!

So we got to see Lee Campbell's work at his studio, although he does a lot of work at home and on computer.  http://www.leecampbell.org/

What is a curatorial? Well I'm not sure if its an art school term but I know they do something similar where fellow artists get to peer review works. Lee was used to very formal ones but this is far more relaxed and we get to ask  awkward questions and challenge our own thinking in our response to the art the artist shows us. We talk about his practice and often we get a how did you decide to do this and what is it that motivates you. We have some curators and I get to be an art history graduate hanger on.

We viewed "I am Cardiff" and other similar works in poster form, a board game of squares of white text on black. You could play it but you are asked to view it and you could choose to play it mentally with no counter and no opponent or you could get people to join in. I am Cardiff in particular engaged me as it had statements that resulted in a positive move and some that resulted in a negative move, as the subject is close to my heart I felt I wished to challenge the scoring.

Lee often likes to involve  the public in his work, or a public, but has stretched to actual collaboration despite being, he finally admitted, a bit of a control freak. He also likes using the internet to meet people randomnly and ask them to make art. We discussed other artists who do this and explored the relationships and how "vampireish" it is to use the public, compared this to asking other artists and how much background knowledge of an artist could effect the outcome of the work. This is only a small selection of the matters discussed but it is so valuable and fascinating and very much like the friendliest seminar group you can imagine.

Today also met with one of the arts festival organisers and we tasked me with a few things. I will now learn more about available grants and fundraising, I have gathered some links and starting points mid year so now is the time to use this motivation to capitalise on this.

Just what I needed as I was getting in a slump

One Year On

It was last October some time that it was first mooted that my office would close, as a good friend asked me today could I have imagined a year ago I would be doing all I am doing now then?

Well I'm not sure.

I did think though it was a good idea to try and capture what Jen did next from that starting point a year ago. It won't be accurate and I do kick myself a little for not starting the blog earlier, but we shall both dear reader, have to just put up with the recalled and partly evidenced account of what I did.

Well firstly I had a pathetic little cry infront of the director and everyone else, one of those no really my eyes are leaking its fine, oh shit I wish it could just stop, stop damn it, hmmmphh, sort of cries. In my head I was already sure it was over and I would leave whatever happenned, I had been threatened with it before and I just didn't want that again. For a few years I had felt that the job was too well paid to leave, I enjoyed having staff but the main theme in my role was frustration. Lots of it. I wasn't using that feeling constructively either I was rising above it by letting it eat at me whilst I "did my best" Not the most satisfying way to lead a working life, not saying I didn't have some feelings of success but also in my head was a small "what have I done with my life?" not one with "Oh my god" infront of it but just a feeling of settling, compromising.

I thought today it was a bit like getting divorced, for which I immediately mentally apologised to anyone who had been divorced, but the same on a much smaller scale. Feelings of rejection, feeling trapped in a loveless marriage, fear of being alone, learning to trust again, the possibility of never being successful in the future, all the good times, the financial stability, well you get the idea.

So within a week I had got a book out of the library, Career Change for Dummies, its out of print now you have to buy the one with job hunting, anyway the original work helped hugely, Made me really overanalyse! But mostly constructively then I threw myself into how I could share what I had learnt with my staff and the whole office and that was a major focus until the following April. I did also start researching all the facebook arts pages and joined all the updates and websites I could. I applied for a job at the WMC I think in November and got no feedback and no interview. I did feel a bit disheartened.

I emailed all the "contact us" listings for local theatres, arts venues, comedy clubs, cinemas I could find asking for opportunities to volunteer. I didn't find that many, I went for teh ones I knew about first and honestly I felt scared to stick my neck out. I wrote my first CV, I redrafted it about 10 times. I started to include it, I offerred to make cake and share it. This opened a door. ("You mean you make cake? -Welcome to the team") The lovely g39 who are used to having artist and curator volunteers let me help too. I spent a few days in the summer cataloguing their huge art book collection, and this whole experience was decision affirming.  Why?

Well firstly the whole feel of the place I just felt at home, I loved listening to the conversations and I was gleaning information from everything, what came in the post, who asked what, teh books themselves I was recognising images reminding me I had a great visual memory, each comment I made was taken seriously and discussed. I felt helpful and not stupid and of course it wasn't full of slightly stressed people worrying about their own jobs so it was respite. Thanks to my previous employer for letting me have the time. I got introduced to some people and at the closing party I tended bar and served many influential people who were it surprised me to notice not all up themselves.

I rejoined the museums association, hadn't helped hugely last time but i figured invest in it you never know. I went behind the scenes at the local museum at a public half term event.  I wore a bright yellow dress because it was sunny and I felt like it. I realised that many museum tasks would fascinate me but that working in a small room alone would kill me, I narrowed my field of job aims in this one small way.

I went to lots of galleries, I made myself go to commercial ones, although it scared me, i always wore colourful and memorable clothes. I wrote in visitor books, I talked to invigilators, I continued to go to every party I was ever invited to, I made cheap business cards I got used to sharing these without embarassment usually after offering some minor help like sharing a web page or group I found. I listened a lot.
I read books on how to apply for jobs and write CVs i joined Linkedin and treated my profile with care and was tentative to who I let connect with me and profligate in which art groups i joined. I stalked every contact I ever almost made and learnt all I could about them on line before I met them again. I always made sure every kind word or suggestion or contact given was returned with vocal or emailed gratitude. I followed up drunken or mentioned suggestions with an email, text or message "not sure if you were serious but you mentioned coming to this art show, I'm up for it" sort of thing.

I applied for lots of jobs, I got advice from the feedback from the speculative enquiries but nothing concrete, nothing paid, then three weeks or so in the jobseeker wilderness and then I kept in contact with people and heard nothing some irons in fires went out, I lost a bit of faith, in myself in my hope, then I started temping and one contact led to another and here we are, still doing all of the above.

Its been sort of full on, determined, scattergun, focusing my ideas about myself and what I want and sharing that with everyone. First you have to know what you want, mine is still quite broad and vague and is being modified as I try new things. My only rule is go with your instincts I mostly feel yes ok and if I feel, oo no rather not I don't. Loved some stuff more than others and in time I'll know precisely why. I'm sort of growing a compass and I'm reading and seeing more of the world and meeting like minded people more than I ever did before and even that is enriching.

Jen

Insider or Inside Art?

After a few days of serious lie-ins I can reveal that my brain is now capable of taking in information again. I am nearly half way through Richard Eldridge's Introduction to the Philosophy of Art which considering its on its third renewal from the library, feels like progress. I admit to having a list of about 8 words to look up, some of which I feel I have some clue at ('tropes' I think maybe leaning towards or attraction to like a sunflower is a heliotrope it grows toward the sun), some at first I thought were typos ('fiat' anyone?) The main thing is I seem to have got into the spirit of it and whilst he uses a wide vocabulary I don't feel like he's just showing off.

Just in time then for the next cross studio curatorial, this sunday, see the XSC blog I follow for more details. Having an art history degree does not prepare you for the reality of seeing artists and their work, the exposure to both of these things and more recent texts that examine and reassess art history methodology is really showing me I know nothing. Never assume, never think you know why artwork is made or what it is trying to say. Its certainly true it can say things it didn't mean and viewing is part fo the process. Think of any row you may have had about what band or song you think is brilliant and what you get out of it and you get the idea, but its not often you get to meet the songwriter and I'll tell you now for nothing being married to a songwriter doesn't mean you understand his songs more than anyone else.

Jen

Irons in fires

Sorry not been here for a day, been having a good think.

Leaving a structured career of 15 years however you may have sought development and opportunities and pushed your comfortable limits, well it is a bit different out here.

I always felt uni was like a halfway house to living but actually I feel another level of exposure. I have felt scared when nothing was happenning but this week a different kind of scared because things are.

Well maybe not that but I'm getting offers of voluntary and partly paid employment, no idea what rates but not imagining much, and it seems hard to know what woudl be good or bad. In the structured environment I often created opportunities by saying I'd love to do that and this is true out here too, but I don't know what these things are really like. I do plan to be open minded and experience it and I know I've worked for a lot of days without a real break, like a weekend, so maybe my gut instinct is just a bit tired.

I also have to let go of trying to aim at a proportion of old salary and just look at the role first, if I want it I should do it and maybe I'll be putting myself into a few years of debt, I'll have to learn to live with that and be hopeful that I will keep earning.

I know its better for me to work than not, and beside never wanting to work for myself I seem to have developed that. So I am available for hanging art work, invigilating exhibitions, administrating events, public speaking, family art workshops, bar work, writing marketing materials, distributing posters and leaflets on foot, meeting and greating, researching, networking, career coaching, telephony, budgeting, book keeping, troubleshooting, filing, origami, PA work, review writing, and cookery etc

I think I may have found a part time job to go for in an Architect's office, do hope that works out. I love architecture and the thought of a steady job makes me feel anchored and less needy. That way I should have more belief when I put myself forward for other things.

So can iron catch fire? It seems that sometimes they may glow and I do love to stoke.

How its Made

Taking today off for a bit of a rest.

Sunday night I proved my theory developed on Saturday that there is time and arts world time. The film festival was due to start at 7, got there to discover the Empty Pocket Theatre was still on and managed to see the last 2 of the specially written works after visiting the bar and having a tremendous pint of SA, real old mans pub The Gower, I like it very much.

So up we go teh steep enclosed staircase pint in hand from a well litv landing into a darkened room with cabaret style tables and disco lights. The first offering i saw was the two hander Mind the Gap written and directed by Natalie Stone. In this the male lead is becoming obsessed with renting bond movies and each day he visits the same video store and is served by the same woman, when she starts flirting with him outrageously and they strip there outerwear off with velcroed ease, the audience in this intimate setting had suspended their disbelief enough to just go with it.

Just as it was getting juicy the female character starting making an alarm sound and saying that he had violated the dream space and would be sent to the blackout zone. What followed was a narrative just confusing enough to keep you on your toes between reality and dream worlds and described nimbly a dystopia where the government owned the dream space and was privatising it, meaning that adverts where inserted in your dreams which influenced your waking behaviour and the ability to watch 18 rated dreams depended on your tax bracket.

Next offering, three people acting out complaint letters to and the responses from Everlast electric company following having their service cut off. The Powercut written and directed by Dorethea Lodwick showed a lovely variety of characters with one true cardiff hardnock mum being particularly amusing. With humour and pathos it did actually make me think twice, slickly written and slickly delivered.

I had got really excited by Roathbud and rather than be dissapointed I enjoyed it even more than I thought I would. After helping creat an aisle and add more chairs I managed to get stuck on a chair alone dead centre two thirds back, which is exactly how I like to watch a movie. Chair 13 in a multiplex is always my chair of choice. There was a witty intro film that cut together clips from the upcoming shorts, black and white shots of Roath park reminiscent of some black and white photos I took as a valentine's present to my now husband, and film of dancing girls and Orson Wells all to an up beat tune and the line "Roathbud" rendered in dramatic rosebud intonation.

Scene set, the first film FUNDAY was filmed in roath and the city centre and featured a man suffering from clownism, it had influences of Chaplin and the use of sound particularly reminsicent of 20th century french cinema such as Caro. I loved it, the tale could be read as a didactic story of how to treat the disabled but it was such fun to watch that this earnest message crept in under the radar. Trailer here:

http://vimeo.com/22175746


There was such a range of film including music videos and shorts for the BBC, such a priveledge to see them here first, often with the filmakers and bands present. A real sense of community.

There were a few thank yous and then live music by Cooper365 project, a song a day for 365 days, this was day 289 and we had a song on a ukelele all about how it makes you smile innanly and it did. The lovely guy had to do 2 encores on guitar, great songs, great playing and then the dj's started doing there thing. Obviously I danced, then I walked home via Albany chip shop. Woke up to discover gravy and a broken seam, two tops in two days but a sure sign of a good night out!

Only had a pint and a glass of red, took some pictures of the poetry reading at the Coffi House as I walked past, they finished with Hey Jude for some reason. But as I was so tired I am recalling snippets of conversations I had and am not sure now what I may have agreed to.

However madeinroath is made with goodwill, in these economic times so much in demand and so rarely given. I am proud of it.

Jen

Eye of the Festival Storm

Final day of the festival, taking a few hours to cook and eat and sit down. As is normal in events that involve lots of people ther have been some mis-communications and little glitches to roll with but overall the weather has held out and the atmosphere as felt by me and remarked on by loads was amazing. Even after the rugby loss.

I was meant to be running The Big Draw with an artist, however she turned up today instead. So yesterday I had two lovely intelligent polite teenagers for an hour and then on my own for four with a steady stream of grown ups and children, from 5 months to 84. Altogether about 140 people and with very little creative talent I managed to do origami, paper people chains and well and truly imbedded the trend of banana writing.

Get a not too ripe banana and a biro and write on the skin. Many people reacted to the media by commenting on the nutritional value of bananas. Still more got the grief at the rugby result out of themselves by drawing and writing about it, there I'm an art therapist!

Then I got lots of offers of more volunteering, got an offer from the scout leaders to do art nights with the scouts and to work on International Women in the Arts Month, both next year.

Then I got bleach on my top and bought a t shirt in the clothes shop and changed in front of everyone, tehn grabbed some food and rushed to The Gate just in time to realise I left my jacket. Met our lovely VIP and tended the bar with another volunteer, Mark, who also helped photograph the event.

We then went to Diana street to see the artist Dawn Woolley's Cut to The Measure of Desire. This was a 30 minute static performance and frankly it looked beautiful and painful.

I am getting refocused on getting a paid job and still definately sure arts admin is the right way forward

Off out to Roathbud the brilliantly named film festival and then the closing party tonight.

Jen

Thursday must be a gallery opening

My place is behind the bar.

Work was ok today, morning dragged but got stride this afternoon, may have been the autumn mist that surprised us this morning not quite dark and cold enough to be hound of the baskervilles more almost narnia in its whiteout eerieness

Had a meeting at milkwood at 6 and if I went home first I'd be late, logged on when I got there to discover local community police that cover roath call it cathays, anyway, I'd given them courtesy run down of all the events this weekend, that went well.

Met quite a few artists who are opening their homes this weekend, how exciting!

Also saw artists I'd seen before, its at the stage where they don't look surprised or horrified, hard to get well known without giving off some stalker warning signs, now that I genuinely turn up places and am doing things its easier to be accepted. I make it clear I have no talent, assume this helps them not feel threatened, I'm actually not sure if they like me less maybe its like saying to Nigel Mansell, prefer horse and cart myself.

An opening, no-ne really looks at the art much, they drink and greet, fascinating to hear all the nstallation happenning whilst waiting and I always speak to artists kids, this is good as saturday may just have a room full of them at The Big Draw. Anyway the cardboard stuff was way more involved than I imagined, will go back and have a proper look.

Finally met the artist and other ceramics students volunteers tonight, they seem just as switched on as Helen said and now they have met me and we have talked plans for about 10 minutes it will be so much easier on saturday.

Jen

Picture Post

This is my first hanging! not lynching you understand. Its amazing how attached to work you can get once you have handled them and cleaned them. The arcade space is still open in Queens Arcade opposite Foot Locker, please pop in, lots of info on free artiste led events in October.

As the arts festival is getting closer its doing that mad project juggling thing but rather sweetly today I got some lovely feedback from people and after a day of data entry that felt a bit soul destroying I really needed it.

Next week I'm going to take a non paid working day off and just rest, I need to recharge. I'm excited about the festival but will be happier when its happenning, just organised childcare for meeting tomorrow night, may help to meet up with others too, I'll tell you when I get back.

Off to do third draft of leaflets

Jen

Hanging Around

So two days helping out in an Art space in a shopping centre. Yesterday I helped hang my first exhibition, gold and enamel works on glass, not the simplest but firstly got it up without damging the work, in a straight line first time and without cutting myself.

Today cleaned and set up the info table and talked to punters, after mastering the art of welcoming people in by not looking them in the eye, sort of counter intuitive for me that.

Last night spent hours on more leaflet design, not sure hwy I chose word and not powerpoint, but lets just say glad it ended. Tweaking tonight and also met organiser yesterday and this afternoon to get an up date on the festival. It's so mad how issues occur then get fixed then new ones appear, its a huge project and no Gant chart in sight. There is organisation but if you really think about it the artists who organise this stuff have an amazing memory to keep track of names dates times and functions of about 100 events. Of course I've learnt about 20 per cent of that and I'm feeling mentally quite full.

Still absolutely certain right area of work, loved meeting the public and now get to do some more bar work at the festival on Saturday. I realy love bar work, shame the pay is normally crap.

Jen

Saturday's girl

Went out again last night, family party but really three times in 2 weeks and hubby away and part time work and volunteering.

Delivering posters and booklets and being in 6 different places in one day, It's like I have a life. Its varied and vibrant and involves introducing myself a lot.

Today I was slightly unforgettable as I was helping my brother catch a horse so had to wear wellies, I only have pink multicoloured spotty ones and no sensible tuck in trousers so wore my purple spotty multi colour dress, onk tights, multicoloured scarf and pink knit beret. By the time I'd changed into my blue ballet pumps I looked like a children's TV presenter.

At least I looked unthreatening and warm enough for this chilly sunny day.

Jen

Forgot to mention ehow is the website that taught me all about eflyers.

Today rescued two people from the looks like a bus stop shelters like a bus stop but isn't a bus stop. Found out you get dropped off there but you can't get a bus from there. Great way to meet people, they'd been waiting 40 minutes. 1 guy was a Roath boy and has press contacts so could be useful.

Travel was much better today and responded to some emails, maybe the new temp job is just not floating my boat because its not the arts festival or maybe its because it pays so little.

The job is working on a customer relationship management system so it is a bit like box office.

Its really fine its just today the suggestion came it may be longer than 6 weeks and my heart sank.

Will have to square that circle at some point,

I'll reassess in a few weeks.

I am now marketing to people at bus stops, I have caught the disease fully, I used to just be marketing myself.

Jen

Next temp job

Learning a new system in one day however simple is just tiring!

Tomorrow will no doubt be easier and ya know nice crowd and clean kitchen, second temp job, second dishwasher, cushy!

got home, cooked, said bye to hubby who we will pass like ships tomorrow and then he's off until monday, but he's looking after a friend in need.

Actually dinner was lovely considering I threw it together, fishcakes with garlic sauteed potatoes kale and carrots, colourful and tasty!

Logged on finally and worked on some event planning stuff, hoping I feel really energetic tomorrow.

Jen

Nothing ever happens on a Tuesday?

Crikey never had a day like it.

Got up and got ready popped into old office to see old friend with birthday greetings ready for Thursday.

Had lunchtime meeting with art promotion shop guy, Robert. Who turned out to be an artist and gave me quite a lengthy and infromative run down of his career. He was pretty organised even though he described himself as a non functioning alcoholic.

Sat in Chapter's cafe/bar waiting for him, using their lovely wifi and drinking their lovely coffee, don't eat the lemon rind biscuits, yuck! Their homemade stuff so far has been so top notch it was a real dissapointment.

Robert is also the projectionist and has been since 1988 meaning aside from Cinema City in Norwich and DVD's he is entrirely responsible for all the art house movies I have ever seen. Bless he did get quite a run down of thanks from me, we discussed favourite scenes on the basis of lighting and sound. I got nostalgic for Claude Renoir's La Regle du Jour, thankfully missing the anecdote about the nutter with the rustly career bag that my good friend Sarah cringed so much about, "they always sit by me" she said plaintively, repeatedly I recall. The jars of berries in Percy Adlon's Salmonberries I countered with the book being thrown in the opening scene, sounded like violent birdswings showing the anger of the main character whilst her body language and demeanour is so still. Only in the cinema do you get the joy of that sound effect. no matter how good your surround sound. I know I had it on video. Hmm Video, I am 36 it seems.

I went on like that, then got introduced to a man I've met many times before who is also an artist and always forgets me. He gave me a rundown of all his exciting stuff and kept mentioning some other guy. I later learn this is an alter ego, popular thing this alter ego stuff, not sure I get it.

Then travel to organisers, deal with some emails, explain how shop can help promote arts festival and good timing. As organiser can't see me monday or tuesday commit to being at the shop next week.

Schmoozed local shop with spirit of voluntary non-commercial art festival venture, very much for it but not up to giving us money.

Then got home, grabbed child, took him to local cafe to meet complete stranger. Another volunteer who works at the Arts Council. We deftly negotiated splitting tasks so we got the experience we needed. We were both happy. New rule be honest about what you want be generous with giving up that which you don't need. We will also share info and contacts and drafted a press release together.

My son also wants a credit but he mainly ate.

Came home to find husband had bought me yellow and red roses to say well done for all the efforts I'm making to get the job I want. I keep saying it, he's a keeper.

Jen

Working from home

I never felt I was cut out for working from home but today I did it.

Thankfully it was a school day but husband and playstation were still in glaring distance. I find it so hard to ignore people. Well people I know, open plan does not work well for me.

After reading more of creating websites for dummies and today the ehow pages on how to create an eflyer I feel in the right frame of mind to grasp new computer techniques. The for dummies books are simplistic and you are not meant to read them word for word but I do. I find the repetition makes it sink in a bit and the tips and other titbits tend to make me go "oh" and tehy make you feel anything but dumb.

I have a friend who loved changing stuff into adobe pdfs, she was the only one on the team allowed and at the time you couldn't read pdfs on your PC if you had the translate into part of teh software. Not sure that is still teh case but found a website you email a word document to and it puts it in a pdf and sends it back to you. It promised 5 minute and did it in 120 seconds. Magic! I used my spam email anyhoo so not scared about all the marketing stuff I'll get deluged with.

My 2 email system did let me down slightly today though. Volunteered via spam mail, repent at leisure. I did say to be texted but all day have been logged into my serious email account only to miss a lets meet up, what time email for the guy who is runing the cardiff arts promotion shop. BUM

I've replied and given other email address but he may now just right me off as a tool.

So predictably whilst working from home, aside from work I achieved:

1.laundry is almost entirely up to date
2.I am bubble bath finger dimpley clean
3. My son got fed a home cooked meal an hour before he was ready for it
4. Found the V and A channel and am now up to date on PostModernism
5. My score on push the button now has me in the top 600 world users

Jen

Earning or Learning

I summed it up quite nicely, I need to be doing one or the other.

When I've not been in work I've been reading text books a lot. Currently I'm reading Creating web pages for dummies and An introduction to the philosophy of Art by Richard Eldridge. And for fun Bill Bryson's Shakespeare.

I've been out two nights in a row, first night had a great time with former colleagues, many who are firm friends. It was celebratory and a bit like leaving high school or Uni, more final than my own leaving do for some reason. It brought back that I still need to grieve a bit for the people but also the feeling of desperation to spread my wings from the job. Not that the job was bad, it diminished near the end but just the feeling of such familiarity. In 15 year I did a lot and learnt a lot and took risks and was offerred chances and I created chances but it was all in the one field and with lots of the same culture.

Then last night went to a party with many creative people and realised that there are people with my interests and I talked to so many new people for so long and each conversation was one I hadn't had in the last 15 years. Oh, its good. I need that in my life for some of the time. I have always explored my interests on my own if needed and largely it has been needed, but its nice to share.

I got home after 1 this morning and logged on and volunteered for something else! So I will hopefully meet up with a guy who is having a city centre shop for a week or two to promote the arts in cardiff, very me that.

Also working on some more marketing and its lovely and sunny.

Jen

Started at 10 finished at 6.

One of the things I really wanted experience in was applying for funding. Did this today, went through previous financial records and visitor figures and assessed which special groups and geographic areas we covered and wrote persausive words and sent it off! Grants officer verbally reckons its in the bag, yay.

Also its clear better record keeping would have made it easier so that's now in the plan for this year.

Also did some social network marketing and am still finding that I know more people in the art world than I think. Good job I've got a memory for faces and names, because when someone is mentioned I'm like "oh yeah works at blah blah" or "the printmaker" or whatever.

Keep in touch with people be honest about what you want and be polite and then no stress about being asked to do what you don't want or being found out will befall you.

I'm 36 now and happy to start singing "I am what I am"

Even if I still polish it a bit.

Talking of which roots are getting done tomorrow,

Jen

Starter for 10

Nearly all jobs in the Arts I have come across start at 10, then drink coffee for 30 minutes then get inspired then go nuts for several hours and then 5 go home to get out by 8 and socialise at some art thing like an opening until late. If I'd known this as a student I would have joined in sooner and still be there.

Well probably not, I wasn't a typical student I got into debt by ordering too many pizzas and cooking for friends, we sometimes had wine but drinking was herbal tea or british rail bog standard at epic breakfasts, sure some nights I stayed up late, some days I slept in and one night I stayed up all night in a sleeping bag on a hillock only to discover how ominous bunny rabbits in a line, like native americans on a ridge, eyes flashing in the dawn's early light can truly be. Unforgettable that sunrise - but not in the way I had envisaged.

Also I lacked certain types of confidence. Art History students are a mix of public school kids and mature students who love art. I made friends with the latter and was scared of the first. I spent most of my life as a student feeling like I'd snuck in and had no right to be there. I worked, I loved the library, I found the subject fascinating and discovered big concepts fazed me not and that was unusual.

I backpacked in Scotland most easter breaks and in Edinburgh had my first experience of gallery fatigue. I saw everything and got to the point of not being able to take anything in visually at all any more. I went to Glasgow and got drunk for a few days instead, then visited every Rennie Mackintosh site I could.

This leads me to how does a girl from a state school end up studying art history anyway? Too main factors mum and dad. So far so standard. Dad because he had sunday access to me and my brother and galleries are cheap and good in the rain so we went to many and disagreed in taste extremely, this tired him. I recall seeing Rene Magritte's the empty mask, I would not be moved from in front of it. I was 6. It still makes me sort of happy and calm and mesmerised now. It's not an intellectual response it just is.

Then mum, when I was studying for A levels she and I clashed somewhat so I went to the Central Library to study and the reading area was next to the art history books. Midge Ure had done a documentary on Charled Rennie Mackintosh and there was a book at the end of the row about him. I started reading the entire section and neglected my home work. When the UCAS sorting questionnaire came around it ask "Would you like to study Art History?" I said yes paid my £15 and went away to find out what the devil Art History was. Predictably it predicted I should study art history and because aside from being crap at technical drawing I'd be as Architect by now I looked for course with Architecture too. If you can't do, study.

Last day in temp job today.

Tomorrow the arts festival.

I start at 10

Jen

An unpublished blog

BigLittleCity:Cardiff  The Old Library Hayes until June 2011

Following a fun opening last Thursday night, which I jealously heard about, I took the recommendation to see this new exhibition on Saturday 16 April.

Up the sea of stone steps you are asked to pause and contemplate how your ancestor may have stood just there before gaining knowledge in the Library. As half of my family are Cardiffians it did led me to wonder if my father was the first generation freed from the long hours of the bakery to be the library fanatic he is now and has raised me to be.

Thinking of that early photograph of Wells’ cathedral steps I first see the glass plates of Cardiff Castle and the animal wall. These are wondrous, really crisp in the detail and yet so smoky that you have to peer making seeing them a more intense experience. Somehow it enlivened childhood memories of the place like flicking through an old family album.

There are representations of people in the indoor market, portraits of them with their stalls and a photomontage of Queen Street and its shoppers and people from Butetown taken in spotlight. Also there are caricatures of city people, some you may recognise as the characters of our streets. Here is a genuine representation of yes the diversity of Cardiff, this is something you can prove statistically, but here you also get a sense of how Cardiffians are.  Proud to be who we are and happy to get to know you and accept you as you are. It makes Cardiff a rich and welcoming place.

This exhibition has many interactive elements, real projects you can engage with and these will run until the close in June. There are still animals from the Castle wall to claim and animate, you can recreate the City’s coat of Arms, vote on the gate design for Bute Park, write about what makes Cardiff special to you and stick it on the wall, scribble on the whiteboard visitor book or submit artistic items of your own.

Whilst I was there I was excited to see not only Charles Byrd’s work but the man himself. A living legend surrounded by young artists who asked him many questions that he with pleasure and patience answered and they hung on his every word.

There are famous names and locally known artists.  Stained glass art by Angelina Hall who is showing an animated view of the bay from Penarth, Paintings and Prints of local scenes by Helen Lush, beautiful paper cut work by Rehanna Chaudri.  Also there are Graffiti Murals by NerveArt and a wall of skateboard designs.

These elements will change every five weeks and there is already a range of work here to interest all. The space has been used remarkably well; it’s like a modern labyrinth with constant interest and diversions. I am so happy it shows what I have always said about my city, it has an interesting history, a cosmopolitan present and a bright future.

I certainly intend to visit here regularly; hope to see you and maybe your work there too.

Jennifer Pearce for Llanover Hall

More info:  http://www.biglittlecity.com/news/

Redundancy

Stuff that happenned brought back some redundancy emotions today so thought it helpful to share. Of course all redundancies and all people's reaction to it will differ somewhat but if it happens to you try and remember that you can not be made redundant only the job can. Start seperating yourself from the job asap to help cope.

I set my self rules;
1.don't fall out with anyone
2.encourage others to respect each other
3.talk to a counsellor and get your head straight
4.dont make your own truth, stay open minded for as long as possible
5 capture all of your experience and skills and get colleugues to pitch in to capture them
6 take all opportunities for development offerred
7 learn any new tricks in your own time you possibly can
8 dream big then deal with the problems getting there
9 Make sure staff have all the tools if they choose to use them its up to them
10 know when to challange respectfully, I found this was most of the time

golden rule is make lemonade with the lemons

Jen

Its a Wonderful Life

Today lots of lovely new colleaugues were encouraging me to apply for permanent positions and saying lovely things like I was efficient and personable. Did virtual full day of filing today and I was getting tobe extremely quick, Thought I hated filing but apparently its just the odd one piece of filing at a time I hate. fiddly and unrewarding, wheras seeing a pile dissppear, well 13 boxes with 6 to go, is extremely satisfying like ironing baby clothes.

It got me to the point of really considering it, its 6 grand less than my last job, lovely office, meaningful work and great holidays, nice distance to travel and so forth and we'd be OK financially but i knwo I'd get stuck, staty there for ever and then all I'd have was she was a civil servant and then worked in admin for research science. Its not bad but its not reflective of me.

I want a battered suitcase with labels on it and my name in Gold letters and hearing ships and train whistles, i've got to get this town out of my hair, there's a run on the bank and all that, Aaaaahhhhh!

Well I've seen the end of that movie and I know I love a lot about Cardiff and I married the right guy and have a lovely kid but please I will get out of the comfort zone and stay positive and focused on "what I want to do" for just a little longer.

Jen

Smiles too expensive in the Art world?

So met the lovely Made in Roath person for tea in a lovely local coffee shop I last frequented in the snow. Actually on my way to work and office closed so sat in there with an apple and cinnamon drink, delicious.

It being so hectic she was 30 minutes late so tried to go online but no network coverage. What else but people watching? Its a friendly place, full of quite well off people who may be architects or surgeons in their working weeks, many with beautiful curly haired children with names like Noah or Ariadne, but strangely didn't feel excluded.

When we did have a discussion about what needs doing one thing that did crop up was making people welcome. Its hard to get across on paper, so that's something that needs to be embedded in all the marketing but when using lots of venues its not really possible to change the established culture.

Some venues don't have staff that smile at you but people who do that slightly challenging looking you assessing your suitability to share their oxygen thing that make-up counter staff are sometimes unfairly famous for. This is a special shame as many people who pluck up courage to visit venues for the firts time feel they wish they never came and will never come again. I don't want to over commercialise the arts but they do need custom so some wlecoming customer service would be nice.

Helpfully we are on the same page with this so part of my task will be to co-ordinate volunteers to meet and greet people in venues where the staff don't.

I will be running a family drawing event. Saturday 15th October St Andrew's Church in Roath Cardiff will be hosting a BIG DRAW free family event, all children to bring adults along 12-4pm, materials provided, drop in! Part of Made in Roath Arts Festival www.madeinroath.com

And have been spreading the word on that since getting home. I'll be temping I promised monday-wednesday so Thursday will be at organisers house all day and Friday hair done and then out with other escapees from my previous job.

hugs

Jen

"Extraordinary!"

Last day being a PA, I cleaned the desk, printed and emailed the handover document and told everyone to keep to the line we just about coped without you, next week I'm staying on for at least 3 days to do filing and generally help out.

Told by another department my new boss described me as "extraordinary" whereas that department I was told told my boss I was very impressive and asked all the right questions. Satisfying that being resourceful and after 15 years in admin I really know my way around an office.

Had to sort Scottish travel today, haven't been there for years and got quite wistful. Now having money coming in planning more holidays mentally. Have once in lifetime holiday booked and paid for to NYC first two weeks in May next year and madly although it was positively overwhelming emotionally when I finally booked it it's only now I am starting to look forward to it. If you are feeling satisfied and busy you enjoy your holidays more.

Heard from Made in Roath will be meeting up sunday at 3, tomorrow then it's chores but hairdresser on hols.

Jen

Heard from festival do I have time free this weekend? I said yes have all of it. 

Also asked to temp next week.

So potentially a 16 day long working week and no real time to get hair done or do banking and similar chores, oh well apparently grey is in.

Networking like a bastard is what I have been doing. I think it is a habit to get into. My dad ran his own business from our house and when I was really small I had to answer the phone in a business like way, always ask whose speaking and write down messages. A year in a call centre only ingrained that, and I'm pretty good understanding a wide variety of accents.

Met most of the staff at work now and at lunch they ask about me and I tell them what I'm up to and what I want to do.

Spread the word

Career Change Top Tips

Good day in work, not too many new things added to the pile so actually almost got to the bottom of it all and my manic forward planning paid off when meeting attendees arrived 30 minutes early, who does that? and I had all the slides and handouts and room ready and could just pass them over. It's like that scene in Austin Powers "no-one considers the henchmen" "no-one considers the administrators"

At lunch again talking to people about their career choices and how to move things forward. People knwo what they want often but not how to get it and also people don't know what they want, so having really studied this for myself and finding it fascinating I shoudl really share.

Top tips

- Firstly make a list of any specific times in the last week you felt happy about something task related then really examine what you felt
-Decide what 5 specific things you absolutely couldn't have in your new job
-List your hobbies and analyse is it the what who where or why that makes you do them
-question all the barriers you have just mentaly put in
-lastly write words down for all the positive stuff left on individual cards, put them in groups of 3 and list jobs that use 2 at least of the three things, shuffle and continue you'll end up with lots of job ideas.
-Then relax about it go on holiday or just get on with your life for a few weeks, look again at the list and then start to research the jobs that appeal
-volunteer or shadow the role or similar to test it
-plan one step at a time to get there

You may not end up exactly where you intended but you'll be close.

That's the theory and so far in small steps getting there.

Museums was part of my plan and after going on back scenes tours realised many jobs though task fascinating to me are so person alone in a room all week for me that I would go insane. Public or administrative or managerial are way more natural to me.

Know yourself

Jen

Tomorrow never comes

So

My husband is having my get up stupidly early and go to London day tomorrow. I had a promise of 1 day a week volunteering at RADA, and I booked train tickets and then they cancelled on me not believing I would really commit to it. It was a huge dissapointment, all I have to show for it is a visitor sticker.

Today talking to a colleaugue discovered she studied English literature and Anthropology but ended up in clinical trials because no work in her field. We talked about semiotics and semiology and she likes art so I suggested she look at the visual arts, she is very academically qualified and she lights up when she talks about semiotics so why not?

Hmm developing others has been my theme today, I do wonder how that fits with my future as it is such an instinct of mine.

Jen

Monday Blues

Well, it just had to happen for a few hours work just felt like work. Then some positive feedback and I felt better, I'm so needy, just need occassional positive feedback and I'll work like a dog.

Took raspberry cheesecake for lunch, lovely friend made it and brought it over yesterday right after I'd stuffed myself, made them all jealous and it was zingy, but maybe contributed to afternoon slump via sugar crash.

Saw musical friend on way home, well my husband taught him guitar, he had never heard of Made in Roath and I have generally been spreading the word today.

Reading all my email updates, came across the latest Voluntary Arts Network newsletter and one of the things mentioned was learning to sign. I sign BSL but only to young child standard, one of my beautiful nieces is deaf so we all sign some. I am such a natural talker with my hands that it is easy for me. According to her mum I sign when I'm drunk, but I'm coherent. I tried signing before my son could talk, but he never paid it any attention, he learnt hot and that was it. But I did learn Cat in the Hat in sign as it was his favourite and I got a bit bored reading it EVERY night. It's fun to sign, has some great visual sentences and you get to sign kite which is one fo my favourites.

Anyway I offerred to do some school assemblies for promotion so I'm going to practice signing them and teaching some sign phrases, it will be a nice twist and I can cover special schools too in a more inclusive way. Yep that's a definate.

Lesson today is use all you've got

Jen

Art Prize Planning

So,

Checked emails and texts, sent a thank you to the person who referred me to the Arts festival, did lots of housework and am now tidying up my paperwork. Won't be using my redundancy training money from React now I'm earning, but hard to find time to fit in a web design course, the one I need is about £400 and ideally should do that and one more advanced one. Next course starts January so think I'll reassess nearer Christmas.

I think we the web stuff and the experience gained I'll be more marketable by then anyway.

Also need to check when next XSC meeting is, I think next week and I'm looking forward to it. Its a once a month curators and artists visit a studio and talk about the Artist's practice, you get fascinating insights into the art world from working artists perspective. I'm very grateful to have been invited.

I have learnt that art prizes can make prices go up hugely like winning an Oscar but as you have to pay to enter they seem commercial and can put people off. Many artists judge them by whom will be judging them, this makes sense, get respect from those you respect is a need most of us have.

I'm still tinkering with the thought of my own art prize, very small, for printmaking in Wales but as the waters are choppy, I'm taking a listen and learn approach before getting the feet totally wet.

Jen

Magic Brogues

Tiring day at work but managed to write 2 letters and use the headed paper successfully 1st time! With no template set up and an unfamiliar printer. I was actually PROUD. Genuinely, otherwise did a lot of up and downstairs and dealing with a photocopier that has needed an engineer all week, manual duplex is time consuming.

Also I knew I was anxious about meeting Arts Festival Person as could not decide what to wear, usually I lie in bed and visualise different combinations try it on and feel it works and go. Today tried it on, chnaegd the necklace, changed tha cardi you name it. I looked acceptable, and then the hair just, well I need a Lucy intervention. I decided though that I was definately wearing the magic brogues.

Everywhere you go in the Art World, the administrators wear brogues, I love them but with a high instep had real trouble finding any, then when I had finally allowed myself to spend real money on a pair and was on my way to Jon Ian in Cardiff's Arcades, I spotted an A J Meek sale, 1 pair extremely comfy brown brogues for £9.99. I went back three weeks later and bought another identical pair and the same in black. Not yet have I had a no whilst wearing them, they just say, I belong here don't look at me like that, and the person accepts it.

So, very sunny after work, popped in to Milkwood and introduced myself then went off to the festival organiser's home and home office for a lovely cup of tea. House full of food and family. Liked her and the house immediately. I was honest and open, the trauma of office closure and unemployment did bring out lots more self awareness and has led me to just be me and be up front about it.

She listed lots of things that needed doing and I responded positively to things that interested me, explaining I know the theory, need the experience, need that on my CV as some jobs have fed back I lack dealing with funding bodies. also quite honest that I am totally fearless about managing staff and public speaking.

Therefore looks like I'm on to help with marketing, fundraising, co-ordinating volunteers, running an artist - public drawing event, help with the books and speak in school assemblies in the area.

Week tomorrow most likely be when the real stuff starts.

Too tired to get too excited, well maybe recent let downs don't help, but I'll let you knwo when it hits.

Right now I'm satisfied and that is no bad way to start the weekend.

Jen