Time off to study

Well, it wasn't supposed to be but I finally finished Stefan Muthesius's English Terraced House and this is meant to be a day off. Stefan was a professor of mine at UEA and his books leave me feeling about as communicated with as I did when attending his lectures or going out with him on field trips. He was a seriously pedantic man, german by birth, the nephew of Hermann Muthesius and a real anglophile. He travelled much of the UK and seems to have loved all the things I do about Cardiff's architecture and street layout. Having grown up in Llandaff North, LLandaff city and Cathedral Road and Pontcanna were my early arenas of architectural yearning. We thought very little of our terraced house although I now gather the rubble exterior on faced brick with a small front garden and it's own outside loo, lane access, full hall and three bedrooms was quite posh for a little house, added to this is the hierarchy of Road which was above Street and I was better housed than I thought.

I know for a fact I read this book whilst at Uni but really I don't recall reading a darn thing. I recall lot of its messages but mainly from the tweed wearing, leather elbowed, bowing like Uriah Heep academic enthusiast than from reading. I read a lot at Uni and the internet was in it's mouth wiping milk dribbling infacy so must have relied on it for coursework. Amazing what one can forget and somehow even more annoyingly wrongly remember.

I have read a lot recently, March being the month of mother's day My birthday, our wedding anniversary and its a bumper month for gifts. I've spent some serious time in the company of Danny Baker, Anthony Bourdain and Sandi Toksvig via the book of their own words format and I conclude that self confidence and self belief and a general blind optimism does work out. However I am totally sure many people have the same traits and do not. Sandi is constantly reminding her reader of famous people's bon mots so it was more like seeing her at a crowded dinner party where she introduced everyone to me. St David apparently tells us to do the little things. So today I dusted behind the radiators and ordered lots of storage to somehow turn my flat into a tardis as I am not losing any books DVDs or shoes but do wish to gain floor.

Danny says those from his youth thought only fools and horses was a documentary and I was quite horrified how being on the fiddle seemed so widespread, no direct harm but a new tendency in my late thirties is to feel that my honesty and attempt at learning a job and trying hard at it and being up front with insurers although I've never made a claim is all for nought. Mis selling of financial products being a particular bug bear, why should those who borrowed often and more than they could afford be rewarded with their un needed insurance back? Buyer beware people. It was that big pile of greedy wannabe middle classes that got us in this mess, ok some vulnerable customers were exploited look after them but why does being mildly clever and careful with what I earn not make a positive impact to my life?

Anthony on the other hand has worked really hard and played hard and used his creativity and enthusiasm to inspire others and at times has walked away from those he can not help, not a hand holder but not a stamp on your neck to hold you down kinda guy. That's more me really but I'm also really sensible and don't play hard at all.

Amongst other things going on in my life my main thoughts are with my next role. I recognise a repulsion to even try. Do you want to go through a lot of rejection in quick succession? NOPE do you want to learn role upon role via temping and volunteering only to have to walk away? NOPE do you want a steady job that you can commit to and get better at that means you get to care for your child in the evenings and plan to move into a house or at least replaster the flat you are in and think about the occassional family holiday and actually paying for your son to get to uni? YES

It seems on the one hand impossible but I am reminded of a conversation I had with my husband some year's ago.

Him: "Why don't we ever have dessert?"
Me:"Oh I don't believe in dessert"
Him:"But I've seen them, other people have them."

So for my next bread and butter I want dessert, all of the above with a cherry on top

I'll start looking now

Jen